Changes and development

I have just started to really bond with my new Starbucks partners. I’m close with all and I really do appreciate them. I can’t believe they all pampered me, treating me like a kid even though some are a year or 2 years younger than me. It’s not that I behave spoilt (manja), not like when I’m in Kuching. I’m more of a soft person with a sweet smile. Some of them said I’m very warm-hearted; my personality easily shines through me just by smiling. There is one regular customer, a Dato’(I don’t know what his name is), told me that he seldom see me not smiling, it makes him want to smile when I’m there. He always gives me a wink when I greet him.

Back to the partners, I’m close to everyone and they really are very kind to me now and treating me very dearly especially the guys. I know that this is also because I work with the guys more than the girls. The guys here, I guess they like to see me smile and cheery. Every time when I’m sitting quietly, or doing my work silently, they will always end up doing something silly just to attract my attention and make me laugh. It was never a dull moment, especially when I’m working with Addie, Shahril, Izwan, Hafizsan, Noordin, and Alif. If with the girls, there are 9 girls working here but I’m close with Sarah, Mas, Chris, Venu, and Irna. Now, I’m beginning to open up a bit with Fatihah and Dee Dee. Dee stared to know a bit of me that is just the opposite of her. What makes me ok with her is that she talks a lot and she likes to share. Fatihah and I were 1st was good, really friendly with each other, then not that close, and then ok again. The 2nd one was because of enviness. I felt guilty because in her mind, she felt like she has been replaced. She was the baby @ princess @ whatever you want to call a person who has everyone’s attention to her. When I came in after a week or two, the attention has turn towards me. It makes her jealous a bit and creates negatives attention after that that affects her performance even more because she got the level of need improvement, because of her behaviour, it became worse than need improvement. Now, just a few days ago, we were ok again and she even starts to look up at me. Others are Siti and Az. Siti only available working in morning shift. I’ve met her three times already but she never even once talked to me, in fact she looked down at me, as if I can’t handle the “busyness” of this store. She even teased sarcastically when I told some of them to help the floor because of the pending drinks and food (I was off that day and saw there’s only 3 partners in the bar including R1 and they seem like they need help). First impression is important, but for me I always told myself not to judge someone too early, give chance to know them, but this girl really judge me and I also had judge her character just based on how she carried herself up and her sarcastic words. Az is a different story. I kind of had a bad past with her and lost trust in her. So, I’m very alert and aware of my work and when I’m around her. The rest are balanced from the guys group that I’m not very close with; there’s Arie, Small who is only nice to me when there is a c.i.o girl nearby or those c.i.o are my friends. There are others male partners that I have never work with; there’s Ash, Yau Min, and Hanif. There’s still a lot more…

Lastnight I was a bit blue, they really realized it. Addie keep teasing me until I respond back, and it took a while for me to respond. I was trying to control myself, not feeling down in front of them. Izwan keep doing silly dancing just to make me smile again. They knew that my smile was not a natural smile. They even realized how I talk to customer was different. Even Shahril tried to cheer me up. He knows that I like to smile and stare at him, and he likes to do the same also, and both of us will giggle, and Addie will give that silly confused look on his face, thinking that we badmouth him or something. But lastnight I keep looking down whenever he looked at me.

I didn’t really talk to Shahril, Addie, Izwan and Alif the whole night, only talking with Sarah because she knows why I’m a bit down. I’m not noisy and lively as they knew me and they really try to cheer me up. It works but just for a while. I didn’t even hold my till, just made 5 transaction, and till out around 11pm. At first, Addie was playing tricks with me saying that I short a lot in my cash sale. We recounted three times and finally got it correct. I really screamed at him for giving me a heart attack because I really don’t have the money to pay. We quarreled like little brats, and I bit his right arm. I was so pissed of and geram… As he was putting the money in the save, Shahril came in and wanted to ask ed which food to be mark-out. He looked at me with that sweet cute expression that makes me stared back at him. We always indirectly end-up locking each other’s eyes and we smile like a goof..hahaha. He giggled when I signaled him that I wanted to strangle Addie. The way he looked at me is as if he was glad that I’m back to normal. That I was making jokes again. Addie then gave me a piece of chocolate cake to bring home. It makes me happy to hear that. As we were about half an hour to close, there’s a customer coming in, and we greet the customer as usual. I was surprised when they said I was ok again. I even greet with the same tone again. They said when I’m happy and lively, the way I say hello is like singing hello. Its like I’m singing a tune when I’m taking order, unlike few hours ago, it’s obvious that I was down. My tone in conversation with customer was flat all the way, even when calling out drinks. Most obviously, I smile without showing my teeth. I was surprised that they really know me at work, how I am with them and with customers. I realized that and really smile afterwards.