LoNeLiNesS

Loneliness has lots of meaning; it depends on each individual self to interpret the meaning of loneliness. It is hard to describe exactly what it is, or how come we feel this way. Perhaps a better question is "what is loneliness for you?" The reason why I wrote this topic is due to curiosity, self experienced, and observation through the people I care and live through life with. Below are my opinion about loneliness, its varied forms, its varied causes and the various ways that people cope with loneliness

Loneliness is a universal phenomenon, it visits every human soul at some time in every culture, every race, every class, every age, and at all times in human history. It is inescapable, and has been expressed commonly throughout the ages in music, literature and art. To feel lonely is to join the rest of humanity in acknowledging that we are somehow fundamentally separated from each other, doomed to speak and yet never fully understood. Not only is loneliness so pervasive, but it has been associated with a variety of different emotions. People who feel lonely describe it as painful, and it is associated very strongly with feelings of depression, suicide, low self-esteem and aggression. Being lonely for too long may not be a good thing. And while we suffer a monadic existence, we are social animals, needing each other, to bond, to connect, to love. It is the paradox of human existence to seek to fill a need that can never be satisfied, to fill the vortex of loneliness in our lives.

Feeling of loneliness can occur in varies ways. There are painful feeling, feeling lost; having no sense of direction, a feeling of nothingness, a persistent feeling, loneliness that can be overwhelming, having no control over loneliness, feeling no emotions; feeling numb, and feeling other emotions.

Loneliness is painful. Without a doubt, this experienced of loneliness was the most commonly brought up. Other terms to describe the feeling of lonely pain include hurt, sorrow, ache, sadness, depression, torn up, bleeding, and broken. Clearly the pain is one in which the lonely individual feels damaged, as though a part inside them (spirit) was crushed. It hurts to feel lonely and it hurts even more because we don't have anyone to share it with.

Lonely individuals described a feeling of being lost, and not knowing where they are going. Other metaphorical words include things like darkness, night, blinded, drowning, clueless, and lack of meaning. Why would we feel so lost when we are lonely? In my opinion it's because other people help give us a sense of meaning and understanding of the world. When you have a problem that you can't figure out for yourself, what do you do? You go and talk to someone else about it. People help us to figure out what talents we have, what are our good points and our bad points that we have. In other words, people help us maintain a sense of identity. When we are lonely, and no one is around to give us support, we can begin to lose our sense of identity, no one is there to point out our mistakes, to give us a different point of view, to praise us when we do a good job. We can become encircled in our own delusions and thinking without the benefit of others to break us out of the vicious cycle. It is no wonder then that lonely individuals report this feeling of being lost and confused, it's because there is no one out there to maintain our sense of identity, our sense of self.

Feeling of nothingness is another term of loneliness expression. It has also been described as a void, a black hole, an abyss, hollow, and empty space. Basically there is a feeling that something is missing. When we break up with someone we didn't want to break up with, or we are missing someone we love dearly, we often describe that we feel a hole in our heart, emptiness somewhere in the space of our chest. What is this emptiness that we feel? This emptiness is a yearning for others, for others to be close to us, for others to love us. When we are hungry for food, our stomach growls, we get an empty feeling in the pits of our stomachs, we can't stop thinking about food, and sometimes it even hurts. In much the same way, loneliness is a hunger for others, a psychological need that must be satisfied… The need for people is a very real need, and therefore when it is not satisfied, this typical feeling is bound to occur as well.

Loneliness can be a misery that has been going on for a very long time for some people. This loneliness is known as a persistent feeling. Why would someone experience loneliness over such an extended period of time? There are several reasons that I’ve encountered with several people. The first reason is that the person is in an inescapable situation that is by its very natural isolating. For example, a person whose job requires constant moving from place to place, will probably not find the time to make secure friendships and may experience loneliness. A second reason is that a person grew up in a rejecting and/or abuse environment. In such cases, I believe, that individuals develop certain mechanisms to help cope with loneliness. These mechanisms usually involve put up personal blocks that protect one from getting hurt by others by maintain a safe distance between all people. These individuals learn not to trust anyone lest they get hurt. Because they have developed these mechanisms, when they are older, they treat new individuals and new circumstances in much the same manner. They construct their social worlds to be one that is very isolating and lonely, but also very protected from feelings of hurt.

In some cases, loneliness can be overwhelming, so overwhelming in fact that lonely individuals feel like they are about to burst! There is a feeling of despair, not knowing how much more of this painful loneliness one can take, feeling as if one is going to break apart at any minute. How agonizing this must be! It feels like that person is a volcano and is about to erupt its lava anytime. Lonely individuals may feel this way because very often one is experiencing a wide variety of emotions and experiences, and yet there is no one to talk to, no one to share it with. Imagine having a problem, or you have done something great but there is no one there to share it with. These feelings just might end up being bottled inside your heart, leaving it there as it were. Even so, there are limits in how much we can hold it inside our heart and mind. Thus, we may indeed burst if there is no one to share, to know and to care, or if we can’t find a way to let it out somehow. This is why I feel that loneliness can be one of the most essential topics to talk about. Without having people to know about our development in life, by keeping everything in a bottle, we rather just live life like a robot, then...

Sometimes loneliness is objectified into a person, and loneliness takes on a personality all of its own. In this way it has its own whims and fancies; it behaves in whatever way it feels like. To me, this feeling of uncontrollable loneliness is always constantly staring at the person, where ever he/she go. In these ways loneliness has grown greater than the individual. Individuals who feel this way are probably not facing something important in their lives; they are avoiding dealing with something. Usually, this type of loneliness has already started since in the age childhood, with feelings of unfulfilled love and attachment, experiences so deep inside the person now, individuals starts to create a different set of self that indicates as loneliness seems to have a life and personality all of its own (split personality). Other times though, it may be that the individual is trapped in a situation they would rather not be in. Such is the case of the lover who has lost his/her beloved, the object of affection is gone. These situations require us to accept the situation and move on, more easily said than done, I admit! In both cases though, loneliness can feel like it is more powerful than you are.

Feeling no emotions, feeling numb, putting ourselves in a cold, frozen, void of true emotions are some of the descriptions that have been associated with feelings of loneliness as well. It is almost as if we have shut down our emotion center. It interprets like living lifelessly. At some point in time, when we are tired of facing too much complication and matters that are way beyond our controls anymore, we may decide not to feel anymore, we may become so overburdened with all the pain, the hurt, the sorrow, the loss of control that we shut our emotion center down. In these instances, lonely individuals put themselves in cold, frozen places where they don't have to feel anything.

There are also several other negative emotion such as feelings of being scared and afraid, or angry or hatred. For some people who have known what it is like to have close friends and family around, being isolated and alone can be very frightening and scary. There is a desire for comfort and security. When that security is gone, and loneliness appears, it can also be a frightening time as well. For other people though, there is a lot of bitterness and resentment. Usually it is against the people who lonely individuals perceive have hurt them in the past or present. It could be an ex-relationship, or people in general or the world, but the underlying theme here is that the world has hurt them and they are angry that it did. And so, in addition their feelings of loneliness they also respond with feelings of anger, putting an ego behaviour to make people fear them but the facts is their themselves are afraid to open up, to trust, and accepting.

This type of behaviour and feeling of loneliness would not help us to realize with open eyes and heart that there are still goodness in this world, and people who really sincerely care about us. Do not let your self feel lonely, or create that loneliness. I have been living to many places as I grow up, the loneliness does appear but I know that it would not overpower me, make me lose my identity because I know that I have people who cares about me where ever I stand. Those people are my family, my friends, and people I care and cherish as much as they cherish me... Thank you.