Dear Blog,
Last night at work was undefined. I’ve arrived earlier than I should have because I need to go to Starbucks Times Square 1 to get my umbrella which I had left it there last Thursday. When I’ve arrived at my store, I thought of wanting to online for a while but it seems that my sister fiances’ laptop was unable to detect the connection. So, I went in to work earlier than I’m supposed to. There three middle shift partners left while waiting for the closing partners including me to come in and work. There’s Small who finishes at 6pm, Shahril’s at 8pm and Hanif’s at 10pm. So, I went sliding, wash the dishes and by the time the closing partners coming in which are Venu (MOD), Alif, Hafizsan, and Asyraf (a partner that I once met him in Kuching because he was there for RWMF); I was rearranging the pastry case as usual. Hanif told Small, Venu and Shahril that I bit him lastnight at Starbucks Times Square. Big deal! I bit Addie more than 10 times already. Venu was shocked of course because she didn’t know that I bite people. I told her that he was really asking for it. It took a while for me to rearrange the food, then Hanif came and stand beside me, asking why I’m so quite today. I just smile. Then, he laid his forehead on top of the pastry case, and I ask what’s wrong? He said softly that he was tired. Then he left because Small was calling him. I know he keep wanting to have conversation with me, even looked at me “without me realizing that he was looking”.
You might think that I’m exaggerating or something but it’s true. Then, Venu was trying to be the cupid in this scenario by match making the two of us. I noticed that both of them were whispering something when she kept pointing out that he likes me, terima jer la, hanif comel la. Then, I said, “I tak nak la. Kalau nak pilih baik saya ambil Shahril (was kidding) sebab Shahril manja, Shahril baik”… Then, Venu was backing Hanif up saying that Hanif sebenarnya manja. I replied, “Takde la, mana manja. Nakal teramat. Kalau Venu suka, Venu ambil la dia sebab Linda nak Shahril.” Then, Venu was fooling around with him and back to me again. The whole night it was about making the two of us together. Venu does realize that Hanif likes to usik me and she keeps pointing it out, “Hanif, awak suka sangat usik dia ek? Linda ni pun sama. Kenapa la you gigit dia. Marah girlfriend dia nanti.” Then Asyraf, Hafizsan and Hanif himself said, “Takde girlfriend pun. Dah putus lama dah!” When I heard that part, I sarcastically said, “Tahan ke kalau dia nak kat saya?” and I walked out of the backroom and do my work. They wanted to dig into our hearts to know whether I like him or he likes me. It seems that they knew his answer. I don’t know whether they are helping him to find out whether I like him also or wanting to know whether I’m flirting with him, or playing a fool out of me.
It was time for Shahril to clocked out and went back home. I acted sad and pouted my lips like a puppy wanting him to stay. Then, Shahril was playing around with me, saying that he has to go because tomorrow he is working at 10am. Then he want some kisses from me, I giggled and we hugged eachother in front of Hanif. Then, Hanif and Alif said, “ depan cctv korang peluk ek?” I told them we partners in Kuching always hug eachother, it’s normal and because of we really bond with eachother and really feel like a part of a family no matter hug a guy or a girl. Then, all the guys there are like kind of envy of Shahril and said I pamperd him the most, I saying him the most.
It was nearly time to closing the store, customers where no more coming in, Hanif went back already and Hafizsan was tilling out. In the bar was me, Venu, and Asyraf. Both of them acted really secretive and really want me to give them an answer. They keep teasing and pushing their words out saying that I actually really like him, right? Or saying that he is ok, and you are single, go ahead. He likes you it seems if he keeps usik, etc… I can’t even concentrate doing my closing, my face keep blushing, etc.
I was trying to end this conversation but I think my words came out wrongly. I stated my words something like this, “ Korang ni la. Kalau orang tu benar-benar suka, biarla dia sendiri yang beritahu kepada orang tu. Menyekat-nyekat orang ni bahaya tau…” Then, the two of them were confused and said, “Ayat dia ni pelik la… macam memberi harapan je.” I stopped and said it came out wrongly. OMG! I really was trapped right there then. Hafizsan heard our conversation and wanted Asyraf to reconfirmed it with him. He then said, “Takpe, nanti saya beritahu hanif supaya dia boleh cakap yang dia suka kt Linda.” Then, Asyraf told Venu, “Kalau Venu buat diaorang ni betul2 bercouple, saya nak Venu putuskan diaorang la la tu gak! I don’t want to see it. Effect kerja tau. Dulu ada juga couple keja kat sini, terhegeh2 buat keja, slow, etc” I just laugh and said to him, “Don’t worry. It won’t happen to me. Kerja tetap kerja. I know how to handle it.”
End of story… (FRIDAY, 28/11/08)
Saturday, November 29, 2008
Thursday, November 27, 2008
Working in Starbucks Time Square 1
Dear blog,
My day today was awkwardly blissfully wonderful today. My morning was a bit bad because I got food poisoning from last night supper outside with my sister, her fiancé and his cousin. I showered around noon, went to Maybank around 3pm to cancel my ASB loan, and hang around at my store Starbucks Pavilion until 6pm (the rest of what I’m doing there no need to be so detail) while waiting to go work in Starbucks Time Square 1 at 7pm. It rained on my way going to Time Square but I managed to reached there 30 minutes earlier so I can dry myself up. They loan me, Hafizsan and one of our partner from pavilion that I haven’t met yet named Hanif for 4 hours due to having the store’s partner meeting with their district manager Ferry.
So, I’m the first one to arrive. At first the partners here thought I was a customer, and they weren’t very friendly, so I became quiet while working and opening my fund. Then, came in Hafizsan, later after that Hanif walks in. The three of us were left on the floor while the Time Squares’ partners went for their meeting. It was quite busy but the three of us manage to handle the floor smoothly. No pending at all, and at the same time we really have fun. Most of the time, these two boys have fun teasing me. As time goes by, me and Hanif gets to know each other. This boy is the most daring and mischief boy that I have ever met. He knows from where or from whom that I like to bite people, and really was asking for it. He keeps bragging about it for 2 hours plus, teasing… He really plays with me until I can’t even concentrate with the customers, sometimes teasing on how I talked to them. He is so mischief, like a little kid. When I give him that signature look that I always did with my partners in Kuching and with Khairul (my ex-store manager in Kuching Starbucks, The Spring), you want to know what he did? He looked back with the mischief look on his face like he really does want it. I felt my heart beats really fast and my blood rushing through my blood vessel like a train. There is something about him that I x know how to explain what I felt… perhaps blushing because I keep end up giggling and felt my face turn red, perhaps excited, challenged… perhaps. The worst part, I felt a bit naughty with him. He is totally different from Addie; in a way of being mischief. With Addie, it’s like fooling around, like sibling or close friend bickering with each other with no reason at all but at the same time no hard feelings, but with Hanif, there’s a sudden unsure sparks.
It’s been more than 2 hours; one of the Starbucks Time Squares’ partners, James the name who is a sweet hopeless romantic Malaysian Portuguese came in and helps the busy floor, so both I and James taking order at the same time being the food partner, while Hanif and Hafizsan making the drinks and expedite. After a while, I went to the expediter there, and initiate conversation of course, Hanif was beside me, and imitate what I had just said to the customer, and give his mischief smile. I turned and without any thought at all, I bite him on his left shoulder when I push him inside a bit at the verismo where the customers can’t see us. He was too shocked that he gulped when he wanted to scream in pain…wahahahahaha… He said it was so painful to Hafizsan and James and Hafizsan laugh and told him so because he keeps giving Hanif a warning that I might keluarkan my taring. Now, he became the second person in Starbucks Pavilion that caught my bite. It wasn’t that bad, just red with my teeth mark, unlike Addie’s. I bit Addie until his skin nearly tore; it was blue and bleeds a bit. His hand felt numb and still teasing everytime when he is near to me. He keeps looking at me and sometimes waiting for me to look back at him.
When the meeting was over and the rightful partners had finished their breaks, it was 20 minutes to 11pm, where the three of us were suppose to finish work. So, the two of them took their 10 minutes breaks, while I was tilling out. The male partners where disappointed because only James got the time to get to know me. I giggled when they said that because it is kind of nice being the center of attention. While I was tilling out, both of them went out for a smoke. When they came back, he acted naughty again. Hafizsan then all the sudden acted as if he kecil hati and said because of Hanif, I threw him out from my heart… I laugh so loud about the rest of what he was saying… he was pretending to be sad. We talked, goofing around while I was counting my money. Then both of them clocked out and didn’t wait for me. On their way out from the backroom, Hanif quickly pulled softly a bit part of my fringe. I startled because I was concentrating counting my money and was unaware the he was about to do that. OMG! All this while the both of us were actually flirting with each other, maybe, I don’t know because the way he touched my hair that then felt weird. He keeps ajak me makan with him and Hafizsan but I keep saying kalau belanja saya, boleh la… OMG! He makes me felt excited. He gives me the rush. But then, this is only the first time we work together. I can’t be sure of it until I work with him again, I don’t know when though…
My day today was awkwardly blissfully wonderful today. My morning was a bit bad because I got food poisoning from last night supper outside with my sister, her fiancé and his cousin. I showered around noon, went to Maybank around 3pm to cancel my ASB loan, and hang around at my store Starbucks Pavilion until 6pm (the rest of what I’m doing there no need to be so detail) while waiting to go work in Starbucks Time Square 1 at 7pm. It rained on my way going to Time Square but I managed to reached there 30 minutes earlier so I can dry myself up. They loan me, Hafizsan and one of our partner from pavilion that I haven’t met yet named Hanif for 4 hours due to having the store’s partner meeting with their district manager Ferry.
So, I’m the first one to arrive. At first the partners here thought I was a customer, and they weren’t very friendly, so I became quiet while working and opening my fund. Then, came in Hafizsan, later after that Hanif walks in. The three of us were left on the floor while the Time Squares’ partners went for their meeting. It was quite busy but the three of us manage to handle the floor smoothly. No pending at all, and at the same time we really have fun. Most of the time, these two boys have fun teasing me. As time goes by, me and Hanif gets to know each other. This boy is the most daring and mischief boy that I have ever met. He knows from where or from whom that I like to bite people, and really was asking for it. He keeps bragging about it for 2 hours plus, teasing… He really plays with me until I can’t even concentrate with the customers, sometimes teasing on how I talked to them. He is so mischief, like a little kid. When I give him that signature look that I always did with my partners in Kuching and with Khairul (my ex-store manager in Kuching Starbucks, The Spring), you want to know what he did? He looked back with the mischief look on his face like he really does want it. I felt my heart beats really fast and my blood rushing through my blood vessel like a train. There is something about him that I x know how to explain what I felt… perhaps blushing because I keep end up giggling and felt my face turn red, perhaps excited, challenged… perhaps. The worst part, I felt a bit naughty with him. He is totally different from Addie; in a way of being mischief. With Addie, it’s like fooling around, like sibling or close friend bickering with each other with no reason at all but at the same time no hard feelings, but with Hanif, there’s a sudden unsure sparks.
It’s been more than 2 hours; one of the Starbucks Time Squares’ partners, James the name who is a sweet hopeless romantic Malaysian Portuguese came in and helps the busy floor, so both I and James taking order at the same time being the food partner, while Hanif and Hafizsan making the drinks and expedite. After a while, I went to the expediter there, and initiate conversation of course, Hanif was beside me, and imitate what I had just said to the customer, and give his mischief smile. I turned and without any thought at all, I bite him on his left shoulder when I push him inside a bit at the verismo where the customers can’t see us. He was too shocked that he gulped when he wanted to scream in pain…wahahahahaha… He said it was so painful to Hafizsan and James and Hafizsan laugh and told him so because he keeps giving Hanif a warning that I might keluarkan my taring. Now, he became the second person in Starbucks Pavilion that caught my bite. It wasn’t that bad, just red with my teeth mark, unlike Addie’s. I bit Addie until his skin nearly tore; it was blue and bleeds a bit. His hand felt numb and still teasing everytime when he is near to me. He keeps looking at me and sometimes waiting for me to look back at him.
When the meeting was over and the rightful partners had finished their breaks, it was 20 minutes to 11pm, where the three of us were suppose to finish work. So, the two of them took their 10 minutes breaks, while I was tilling out. The male partners where disappointed because only James got the time to get to know me. I giggled when they said that because it is kind of nice being the center of attention. While I was tilling out, both of them went out for a smoke. When they came back, he acted naughty again. Hafizsan then all the sudden acted as if he kecil hati and said because of Hanif, I threw him out from my heart… I laugh so loud about the rest of what he was saying… he was pretending to be sad. We talked, goofing around while I was counting my money. Then both of them clocked out and didn’t wait for me. On their way out from the backroom, Hanif quickly pulled softly a bit part of my fringe. I startled because I was concentrating counting my money and was unaware the he was about to do that. OMG! All this while the both of us were actually flirting with each other, maybe, I don’t know because the way he touched my hair that then felt weird. He keeps ajak me makan with him and Hafizsan but I keep saying kalau belanja saya, boleh la… OMG! He makes me felt excited. He gives me the rush. But then, this is only the first time we work together. I can’t be sure of it until I work with him again, I don’t know when though…
Someone looks like someone…
OMG!OMG!OMG!... This can’t be happening. All this time, now I had just realized that he looks like someone. This guy appeals so much like him. Maybe I’m over exaggerating but when I looked at him, closely, from time to time, he does look like him (except that this guy is much younger than him and a bit chubbier than him).
Someone used to say that if you really miss that person, longing for him, sometimes you tend to see him in or on someone else. Perhaps it is true, perhaps it is not true. Last night, I accidentally stared at him for quite long, until I didn’t realize that he stared back. He was sitting on the floor at the back room where I was closing my b.o.h, I looked at him counting his money. He sighed at that showing that his tired and look up toward me. Right there then I realized that his face is similar with that someone. My heart skipped a bit, both of us just looked at each other without saying anything, until Addie came in.
All the sudden I realize everything from the first day we work together and how he appeals himself toward me. Their characters are not that similar but the way he talk to me, treat me… From my eyes, he is a gentle person, soft spoken, always smile and cheery, and not snobbish, unlike most guys here always showing off. Physically, the way he stares and the way he smiles at me is just like him. Today I’m hanging out here at my store and I didn’t realize he’s working today as a middle shift partner. He ask me with his soft gentle tone am I working or not today, I said not here, but working later at Starbucks Times Square. Then he ask why am I here then? I just smiled and he just stand there for quite a while with the bussing tub on his hand, and off went sliding when Dee startled him screaming what is he doing just standing at the door there. Both of us giggled and that’s the end of our conversation. He went for his break just now; he was standing at the expediter waiting for his empbev. I can’t believe that I actually observed him from top to bottom. I did that once or twice before, but just now I really really observed him. From behind, he does have that person’s figure; his broad shoulder, his back… and his ass. I know this is total indirect harassment but he looks neat, just like him. That pants does look nice on him.
No wonder I said that he is more cute than Addie that night when Addie wants me to compare between all the guys (long different story, different chapter), because he looks like him. He has this innocent pure face, just like him.
Even so, for sure he has someone special in his heart; I respect that if he does have one. Harmless to say, I like being around him, he makes me smile, feel warm and fuzzy inside me. I won’t say anything or ask if he does have one because I don’t want us to feel awkward towards each other.
I like having them as friends. They never make my day dull, even the slightest. Thank you Shahril, Addie, Izwan, Hafizsan, and Alif. You guys are great.
Someone used to say that if you really miss that person, longing for him, sometimes you tend to see him in or on someone else. Perhaps it is true, perhaps it is not true. Last night, I accidentally stared at him for quite long, until I didn’t realize that he stared back. He was sitting on the floor at the back room where I was closing my b.o.h, I looked at him counting his money. He sighed at that showing that his tired and look up toward me. Right there then I realized that his face is similar with that someone. My heart skipped a bit, both of us just looked at each other without saying anything, until Addie came in.
All the sudden I realize everything from the first day we work together and how he appeals himself toward me. Their characters are not that similar but the way he talk to me, treat me… From my eyes, he is a gentle person, soft spoken, always smile and cheery, and not snobbish, unlike most guys here always showing off. Physically, the way he stares and the way he smiles at me is just like him. Today I’m hanging out here at my store and I didn’t realize he’s working today as a middle shift partner. He ask me with his soft gentle tone am I working or not today, I said not here, but working later at Starbucks Times Square. Then he ask why am I here then? I just smiled and he just stand there for quite a while with the bussing tub on his hand, and off went sliding when Dee startled him screaming what is he doing just standing at the door there. Both of us giggled and that’s the end of our conversation. He went for his break just now; he was standing at the expediter waiting for his empbev. I can’t believe that I actually observed him from top to bottom. I did that once or twice before, but just now I really really observed him. From behind, he does have that person’s figure; his broad shoulder, his back… and his ass. I know this is total indirect harassment but he looks neat, just like him. That pants does look nice on him.
No wonder I said that he is more cute than Addie that night when Addie wants me to compare between all the guys (long different story, different chapter), because he looks like him. He has this innocent pure face, just like him.
Even so, for sure he has someone special in his heart; I respect that if he does have one. Harmless to say, I like being around him, he makes me smile, feel warm and fuzzy inside me. I won’t say anything or ask if he does have one because I don’t want us to feel awkward towards each other.
I like having them as friends. They never make my day dull, even the slightest. Thank you Shahril, Addie, Izwan, Hafizsan, and Alif. You guys are great.
Don't hope for something that you know its impossible for both of you
I wrote something to that person of what I really felt for this two month us being so far apart, I’m sorry if my words were harsh, illogical, etc… The reason it came out of my mind is when I bickered with one of the partner in Starbucks Pavilion because of something impossible. He really likes and crazy about Carol ever since he laid eyes on her when she had her ss training class in KL. He keeps asking me about her, is there a possibility that she and Wan will break up, etc… until I really can’t stand it. Carol is my bestfriend and I know what kind of girl she is and she would never want a distance relationship. Thus, she really love Wan and it makes me glad to see her happy.
I just don’t understand why most people demand for something that they know themselves that it is impossible to achieve. Take this guy for example; he is searching for love and a girlfriend. He knows that he will never have the chance with Carol, unless he is there in Kuching or Carol is in KL for permanently and she is single. Yet, he still hopes for it, and brags about it, dreams about her, etc. If he really wants her, go ahead. Take the risk, don’t ask to do things that I will not do toward my best friend by being cupid for him and her. Even if so, what if you really miss that person, longing for that person but you know there’s nothing you or that person do other than just saying it. What for wanting to have that relationship with him or her? Don’t you feel like you are hurting yourself and hurting that person for not being able to be with each other, to feel love, to be touched, and express your love toward each other. That’s what I have been feeling. It hurts every time. Why can’t he just search for a girlfriend here in KL where he can go out on a date with her, luvvy dubby with her, etc… rather than chasing after Carol. There are tons of gorgeous girls here that are better than her. Let Carol be with the person she love where she can see him, love him, spend time with him.
For me, I know that I should do the same, but I know my situation which is hard for me to explain, even it’s hard for me to explain it to that person, but I’d tried my best. I don’t know how he really felt because he only said that he was touched by my letter to him.
Everyone, if you really do love that someone, love him and her for who he or she is, and accept what they can or can’t afford to give you because you know it’s impossible for them to give something that you want, but yet you still want it and end up hurting yourselves and that person also. It’s not wrong to wish for something and want something that you have wanted to have to be done for a long time, but forgiving the person you really loved who is not able to grant your wish is the gift there is. Because by doing that, at least you can still be and have that person that you love for eternity.
I just don’t understand why most people demand for something that they know themselves that it is impossible to achieve. Take this guy for example; he is searching for love and a girlfriend. He knows that he will never have the chance with Carol, unless he is there in Kuching or Carol is in KL for permanently and she is single. Yet, he still hopes for it, and brags about it, dreams about her, etc. If he really wants her, go ahead. Take the risk, don’t ask to do things that I will not do toward my best friend by being cupid for him and her. Even if so, what if you really miss that person, longing for that person but you know there’s nothing you or that person do other than just saying it. What for wanting to have that relationship with him or her? Don’t you feel like you are hurting yourself and hurting that person for not being able to be with each other, to feel love, to be touched, and express your love toward each other. That’s what I have been feeling. It hurts every time. Why can’t he just search for a girlfriend here in KL where he can go out on a date with her, luvvy dubby with her, etc… rather than chasing after Carol. There are tons of gorgeous girls here that are better than her. Let Carol be with the person she love where she can see him, love him, spend time with him.
For me, I know that I should do the same, but I know my situation which is hard for me to explain, even it’s hard for me to explain it to that person, but I’d tried my best. I don’t know how he really felt because he only said that he was touched by my letter to him.
Everyone, if you really do love that someone, love him and her for who he or she is, and accept what they can or can’t afford to give you because you know it’s impossible for them to give something that you want, but yet you still want it and end up hurting yourselves and that person also. It’s not wrong to wish for something and want something that you have wanted to have to be done for a long time, but forgiving the person you really loved who is not able to grant your wish is the gift there is. Because by doing that, at least you can still be and have that person that you love for eternity.
Changes and development
I have just started to really bond with my new Starbucks partners. I’m close with all and I really do appreciate them. I can’t believe they all pampered me, treating me like a kid even though some are a year or 2 years younger than me. It’s not that I behave spoilt (manja), not like when I’m in Kuching. I’m more of a soft person with a sweet smile. Some of them said I’m very warm-hearted; my personality easily shines through me just by smiling. There is one regular customer, a Dato’(I don’t know what his name is), told me that he seldom see me not smiling, it makes him want to smile when I’m there. He always gives me a wink when I greet him.
Back to the partners, I’m close to everyone and they really are very kind to me now and treating me very dearly especially the guys. I know that this is also because I work with the guys more than the girls. The guys here, I guess they like to see me smile and cheery. Every time when I’m sitting quietly, or doing my work silently, they will always end up doing something silly just to attract my attention and make me laugh. It was never a dull moment, especially when I’m working with Addie, Shahril, Izwan, Hafizsan, Noordin, and Alif. If with the girls, there are 9 girls working here but I’m close with Sarah, Mas, Chris, Venu, and Irna. Now, I’m beginning to open up a bit with Fatihah and Dee Dee. Dee stared to know a bit of me that is just the opposite of her. What makes me ok with her is that she talks a lot and she likes to share. Fatihah and I were 1st was good, really friendly with each other, then not that close, and then ok again. The 2nd one was because of enviness. I felt guilty because in her mind, she felt like she has been replaced. She was the baby @ princess @ whatever you want to call a person who has everyone’s attention to her. When I came in after a week or two, the attention has turn towards me. It makes her jealous a bit and creates negatives attention after that that affects her performance even more because she got the level of need improvement, because of her behaviour, it became worse than need improvement. Now, just a few days ago, we were ok again and she even starts to look up at me. Others are Siti and Az. Siti only available working in morning shift. I’ve met her three times already but she never even once talked to me, in fact she looked down at me, as if I can’t handle the “busyness” of this store. She even teased sarcastically when I told some of them to help the floor because of the pending drinks and food (I was off that day and saw there’s only 3 partners in the bar including R1 and they seem like they need help). First impression is important, but for me I always told myself not to judge someone too early, give chance to know them, but this girl really judge me and I also had judge her character just based on how she carried herself up and her sarcastic words. Az is a different story. I kind of had a bad past with her and lost trust in her. So, I’m very alert and aware of my work and when I’m around her. The rest are balanced from the guys group that I’m not very close with; there’s Arie, Small who is only nice to me when there is a c.i.o girl nearby or those c.i.o are my friends. There are others male partners that I have never work with; there’s Ash, Yau Min, and Hanif. There’s still a lot more…
Lastnight I was a bit blue, they really realized it. Addie keep teasing me until I respond back, and it took a while for me to respond. I was trying to control myself, not feeling down in front of them. Izwan keep doing silly dancing just to make me smile again. They knew that my smile was not a natural smile. They even realized how I talk to customer was different. Even Shahril tried to cheer me up. He knows that I like to smile and stare at him, and he likes to do the same also, and both of us will giggle, and Addie will give that silly confused look on his face, thinking that we badmouth him or something. But lastnight I keep looking down whenever he looked at me.
I didn’t really talk to Shahril, Addie, Izwan and Alif the whole night, only talking with Sarah because she knows why I’m a bit down. I’m not noisy and lively as they knew me and they really try to cheer me up. It works but just for a while. I didn’t even hold my till, just made 5 transaction, and till out around 11pm. At first, Addie was playing tricks with me saying that I short a lot in my cash sale. We recounted three times and finally got it correct. I really screamed at him for giving me a heart attack because I really don’t have the money to pay. We quarreled like little brats, and I bit his right arm. I was so pissed of and geram… As he was putting the money in the save, Shahril came in and wanted to ask ed which food to be mark-out. He looked at me with that sweet cute expression that makes me stared back at him. We always indirectly end-up locking each other’s eyes and we smile like a goof..hahaha. He giggled when I signaled him that I wanted to strangle Addie. The way he looked at me is as if he was glad that I’m back to normal. That I was making jokes again. Addie then gave me a piece of chocolate cake to bring home. It makes me happy to hear that. As we were about half an hour to close, there’s a customer coming in, and we greet the customer as usual. I was surprised when they said I was ok again. I even greet with the same tone again. They said when I’m happy and lively, the way I say hello is like singing hello. Its like I’m singing a tune when I’m taking order, unlike few hours ago, it’s obvious that I was down. My tone in conversation with customer was flat all the way, even when calling out drinks. Most obviously, I smile without showing my teeth. I was surprised that they really know me at work, how I am with them and with customers. I realized that and really smile afterwards.
Back to the partners, I’m close to everyone and they really are very kind to me now and treating me very dearly especially the guys. I know that this is also because I work with the guys more than the girls. The guys here, I guess they like to see me smile and cheery. Every time when I’m sitting quietly, or doing my work silently, they will always end up doing something silly just to attract my attention and make me laugh. It was never a dull moment, especially when I’m working with Addie, Shahril, Izwan, Hafizsan, Noordin, and Alif. If with the girls, there are 9 girls working here but I’m close with Sarah, Mas, Chris, Venu, and Irna. Now, I’m beginning to open up a bit with Fatihah and Dee Dee. Dee stared to know a bit of me that is just the opposite of her. What makes me ok with her is that she talks a lot and she likes to share. Fatihah and I were 1st was good, really friendly with each other, then not that close, and then ok again. The 2nd one was because of enviness. I felt guilty because in her mind, she felt like she has been replaced. She was the baby @ princess @ whatever you want to call a person who has everyone’s attention to her. When I came in after a week or two, the attention has turn towards me. It makes her jealous a bit and creates negatives attention after that that affects her performance even more because she got the level of need improvement, because of her behaviour, it became worse than need improvement. Now, just a few days ago, we were ok again and she even starts to look up at me. Others are Siti and Az. Siti only available working in morning shift. I’ve met her three times already but she never even once talked to me, in fact she looked down at me, as if I can’t handle the “busyness” of this store. She even teased sarcastically when I told some of them to help the floor because of the pending drinks and food (I was off that day and saw there’s only 3 partners in the bar including R1 and they seem like they need help). First impression is important, but for me I always told myself not to judge someone too early, give chance to know them, but this girl really judge me and I also had judge her character just based on how she carried herself up and her sarcastic words. Az is a different story. I kind of had a bad past with her and lost trust in her. So, I’m very alert and aware of my work and when I’m around her. The rest are balanced from the guys group that I’m not very close with; there’s Arie, Small who is only nice to me when there is a c.i.o girl nearby or those c.i.o are my friends. There are others male partners that I have never work with; there’s Ash, Yau Min, and Hanif. There’s still a lot more…
Lastnight I was a bit blue, they really realized it. Addie keep teasing me until I respond back, and it took a while for me to respond. I was trying to control myself, not feeling down in front of them. Izwan keep doing silly dancing just to make me smile again. They knew that my smile was not a natural smile. They even realized how I talk to customer was different. Even Shahril tried to cheer me up. He knows that I like to smile and stare at him, and he likes to do the same also, and both of us will giggle, and Addie will give that silly confused look on his face, thinking that we badmouth him or something. But lastnight I keep looking down whenever he looked at me.
I didn’t really talk to Shahril, Addie, Izwan and Alif the whole night, only talking with Sarah because she knows why I’m a bit down. I’m not noisy and lively as they knew me and they really try to cheer me up. It works but just for a while. I didn’t even hold my till, just made 5 transaction, and till out around 11pm. At first, Addie was playing tricks with me saying that I short a lot in my cash sale. We recounted three times and finally got it correct. I really screamed at him for giving me a heart attack because I really don’t have the money to pay. We quarreled like little brats, and I bit his right arm. I was so pissed of and geram… As he was putting the money in the save, Shahril came in and wanted to ask ed which food to be mark-out. He looked at me with that sweet cute expression that makes me stared back at him. We always indirectly end-up locking each other’s eyes and we smile like a goof..hahaha. He giggled when I signaled him that I wanted to strangle Addie. The way he looked at me is as if he was glad that I’m back to normal. That I was making jokes again. Addie then gave me a piece of chocolate cake to bring home. It makes me happy to hear that. As we were about half an hour to close, there’s a customer coming in, and we greet the customer as usual. I was surprised when they said I was ok again. I even greet with the same tone again. They said when I’m happy and lively, the way I say hello is like singing hello. Its like I’m singing a tune when I’m taking order, unlike few hours ago, it’s obvious that I was down. My tone in conversation with customer was flat all the way, even when calling out drinks. Most obviously, I smile without showing my teeth. I was surprised that they really know me at work, how I am with them and with customers. I realized that and really smile afterwards.
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
I went out with him today…
There is a friend of mine that I just met around middle of this year in Kuching. I was surprised to see him here in KL. On second thought, I shouldn’t be surprise because his origin is here in KL. It’s just that out of all the people that I really miss and want to meet again, it never crossed my mind that he will be the one to see me.
We actually bumped into each other in a LRT station in Hang Tuah last week around evening. I was on my way to work, and so was he. I didn’t realized it was him, but aware that he kept looking at me and coming toward me. It felt kind of nice to see someone again, someone who you called a friend. Yadayadayada… we talked for a while and he asked me out for lunch whenever I’m free. I felt guilty for keep writing him a raincheck and finally we went for a lunch today.
To tell you the truth, this is the first time that I really went out (other than going to work that is…duuh..). We sat at medan pelita nasi kandar, ate there and talk endlessly for nearly 3 hours. He took a day off just to spend time with me; it’s kind of sweet of him. I felt guilty for telling him that I’m working today at Starbucks.
After that, he accompanied me going to my workplace. When we arrived at Starbucks Pavilion, it turns out that my shift today starts at 7pm, so damn early! What am I supposed to do while waiting. Now it’s only 4pm…
When I went out from the backroom, he was still there waiting. I told him that I still have 3 hours free, he asked for a walked inside the shopping mall. We walked for about half an hour and I asked him whether he would like if we just sit and online for a while because I’m scared that I might get tired before work starts.
We sat at the outside café in Starbucks, online and chat some more… It was nearly 7pm and I have to go in to work. Thus we said goodbye and hope to see each other again. I had fun actually. There is an ease in my heart. Perhaps because I haven’t really talked to someone for quite a while. I admit that I know that I’m very lonely here and it was a relieved to be able to talk about things again.
Thank u Isz…
We actually bumped into each other in a LRT station in Hang Tuah last week around evening. I was on my way to work, and so was he. I didn’t realized it was him, but aware that he kept looking at me and coming toward me. It felt kind of nice to see someone again, someone who you called a friend. Yadayadayada… we talked for a while and he asked me out for lunch whenever I’m free. I felt guilty for keep writing him a raincheck and finally we went for a lunch today.
To tell you the truth, this is the first time that I really went out (other than going to work that is…duuh..). We sat at medan pelita nasi kandar, ate there and talk endlessly for nearly 3 hours. He took a day off just to spend time with me; it’s kind of sweet of him. I felt guilty for telling him that I’m working today at Starbucks.
After that, he accompanied me going to my workplace. When we arrived at Starbucks Pavilion, it turns out that my shift today starts at 7pm, so damn early! What am I supposed to do while waiting. Now it’s only 4pm…
When I went out from the backroom, he was still there waiting. I told him that I still have 3 hours free, he asked for a walked inside the shopping mall. We walked for about half an hour and I asked him whether he would like if we just sit and online for a while because I’m scared that I might get tired before work starts.
We sat at the outside café in Starbucks, online and chat some more… It was nearly 7pm and I have to go in to work. Thus we said goodbye and hope to see each other again. I had fun actually. There is an ease in my heart. Perhaps because I haven’t really talked to someone for quite a while. I admit that I know that I’m very lonely here and it was a relieved to be able to talk about things again.
Thank u Isz…
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
I'm touched with this song...
There is no harm if you feel like this song is from me to you...
TERCIPTA UNTUKKU
Melayang album
by Ungu
menatap indahnya senyuman diwajahmu
membuat ku terdiam dan terpaku
mengerti akan hadirnya cinta terindah
saat kau peluk mesra tubuhku
banyak kata
yang tak mampu ku ungkapkan
kepada dirimu
Chorus:
aku ingin engkau slalu
hadir dan temani aku
disetiap langkah
yang meyakiniku
kau tercipta untukku
sepanjang hidupku
aku ingin engkau slalu
hadir dan temani aku
disetiap langkah
yang meyakiniku
kau tercipta untukku
meski waktu akan mampu
memanggil seluruh ragaku
ku ingin kau tau
ku slalu milikmu
yang mencintaimu
sepanjang hidupku
aku ingin engkau slalu
hadir dan temani aku
disetiap langkah
yang meyakiniku
kau tercipta untukku
meski waktu akan mampu
memanggil seluruh ragaku
ku ingin kau tau
ku slalu milikmu
yang mencintaimu
TERCIPTA UNTUKKU
Melayang album
by Ungu
menatap indahnya senyuman diwajahmu
membuat ku terdiam dan terpaku
mengerti akan hadirnya cinta terindah
saat kau peluk mesra tubuhku
banyak kata
yang tak mampu ku ungkapkan
kepada dirimu
Chorus:
aku ingin engkau slalu
hadir dan temani aku
disetiap langkah
yang meyakiniku
kau tercipta untukku
sepanjang hidupku
aku ingin engkau slalu
hadir dan temani aku
disetiap langkah
yang meyakiniku
kau tercipta untukku
meski waktu akan mampu
memanggil seluruh ragaku
ku ingin kau tau
ku slalu milikmu
yang mencintaimu
sepanjang hidupku
aku ingin engkau slalu
hadir dan temani aku
disetiap langkah
yang meyakiniku
kau tercipta untukku
meski waktu akan mampu
memanggil seluruh ragaku
ku ingin kau tau
ku slalu milikmu
yang mencintaimu
Thursday, November 20, 2008
Crazee nite!!!!OMG!
Yesterday night was either a lousy day or a great day for me. On my way going to work at Starbucks was heavily rained. As usual I have to ride a LRT and Monorail heading to Bukit Bintang area. From Bukit Bintang station, I have to walk a about 5 to 10 minutes distance to my store located in Pavilion. When I was still in the train, the rain actually had stopped. So, while walking, the rain poured heavily in an instance without giving any signal that it wants to continue pouring. I was soaked and wet even though wearing a sweater with a hood on my head. On top of getting wet from the rain, I’m having a pain period. I really don’t feel very productive that night. As I’ve already dried myself up and start my shift with 4 male partners, I was given a till (register cashier). I was feeling that I might be lucky again like the night before, selling 9 mini kl-malaysia mugs in one transaction and have the enthusiasm to do up-sell. Then, every partner was feeling the same thing and most are battling taking order among each other and it makes me feel bored not able to do anything. So, I started doing what I usually do which is rearranging the pastries (because none of them really know how to arrange the food depend on levels, and categories). Then, I took the all-purpose cleaning sanitizer, a blue cloth, and a soapy sponge; cleaned and rearranged the whole entire cabinet inside bar area. After 3 hrs of doing so, I went for my break…
After I finished my break, I continue taking my position as a food partner, helping my R1 partner up-sell food. At last, around 9.30pm, it was my turn to be the cash register partner as 2 other partners had till-out. Sales was low but on going since 5pm. Even for me, I can only manage to take 1 transaction between rm21 to rm30. More than that price was additional for merchandised items.
Around 10.40pm, it was not busy but the queue was ongoing, there is this one male customer wanted to order drinks. He first ordered 1 ice-blended mocha; regular-sized without whipped cream on top. I acknowledge it and marked it. Then, he requested for a 2nd drink. He ordered 1 mocha frappuccino; regular-sized also, with whipped cream on top. I said ok, and repeat, “So, you ordered 2 ice-blend mocha, 1 with whipped cream, and 1 without whipped cream, both regular-sized, right?” He said, “No, I ordered mocha, 1 ice-blended, 1 frappuccino.” Then, I informed him, “But sir, frappuccino is an ice-blended. Unless you wish for 1 ice-blended, and 1 iced-cube mocha,” He said, “ook…” Then I asked, “1 iced-cube mocha, 1 ice-blended mocha?” He said no. He said, “I want 1 ice-blended mocha, 1 mocha frappuccino.” So, I repeat it again, “So, two regular-sized mocha frappuccino ice-blended, 1 with whipped cream, 1 without whipped cream, confirm?” Then, he yelled, “No! I asked for 1 ice-blended mocha without whipped cream and 1 mocha frappuccino with whipped cream,” In my heart, I was yelling what the hell, I have explained to him again and again. So, I took a deep breath and explain in a long term to make him understand. I said, “Sir, a FRAPPUCCINO is a Latin American language. FRAPPUCCINO means ICE-BLENDED. In Starbucks, most of the language such Tall, Grande and Venti is the size of the cups meaning small size, regular size, and large size. This also goes for Ice-blended. We call ice-blended FRAPPUCCINO which means that we ice-blended the drinks (explaining with a big fat fake smile). The others were laughing while making other customers’ beverages and some of them went inside the backroom laughing like hell. I convinced the male customer, let my partner make his drinks, settle the bill and continue with other orders. I know the customer was still blurred and unsure what he really wants and what I really give him.
It was about 15 minutes to closing, a few groups of customer coming in for take-outs. It became pending busy especially at the hot beverage area (because we are using Verismo which only has 1 group). The 3 out of 7 group customer ordered Iced Venti Mocha and 2 Venti Latte. When I repeated the order, the customer corrected me by saying it suppose to have 11 drinks. I was a bit confused. Then, he said 9 iced Venti no iced Mocha and 2 Venti Caffe Latte. I was quite shocked, and said ok while marking. My B1 partner doesn’t know how to do. So I explained to him to pump each 5 pump of mocha syrup, 2 shots of espresso, and pour in milk all the way up, no iced at all but add whipped cream. When settling the bill, the customer wanted to settle it by using credit card. So, the pending began there. I took other customers orders so they don’t have to wait so long. It’s a good thing others ordered frappuccinos since they know there’s 11 pending drinks (Verismo; you have to wait for the shot, unlike Lamarzocco, straightaway tamp and pull one shot after another). Then, after taking about 6 transaction, the customer came back in while waiting for 7 more iced mocha, he ordered another 23 Iced Venti no iced Mocha, this time he paid cash. I was smiling widely while marking the 23 drinks and settled the bill. Seriously, because of the Verismo (which everything is auto, it took them 15 minutes to finished 23+7=30 drinks. It’s a good thing that they don’t need to steam up the milk. All of them yelled closed the till!...
So, I till-out at 12.10am, counted my sales money with cash sales rm1300++ (most of my transaction used credit card), and I have the highest AT again which is 23.97 from 11.32 between 11.20pm to 11.45pm. We closed very late. Suppose we usually finished everything latest 12.20am, but last night we finished about 1.30+ am.
I waited for my sis to come and pick me up in front of pavilion at the main road because my usual waiting place got lots of emo guys lurking there smoking weeds. With no shades at all, it rained again. Thus, I got soaking wet and having a very annoying flu until now. My night was balanced with good and bad, happy and sad experienced in one night.. huhu… haha…boleh sik?
After I finished my break, I continue taking my position as a food partner, helping my R1 partner up-sell food. At last, around 9.30pm, it was my turn to be the cash register partner as 2 other partners had till-out. Sales was low but on going since 5pm. Even for me, I can only manage to take 1 transaction between rm21 to rm30. More than that price was additional for merchandised items.
Around 10.40pm, it was not busy but the queue was ongoing, there is this one male customer wanted to order drinks. He first ordered 1 ice-blended mocha; regular-sized without whipped cream on top. I acknowledge it and marked it. Then, he requested for a 2nd drink. He ordered 1 mocha frappuccino; regular-sized also, with whipped cream on top. I said ok, and repeat, “So, you ordered 2 ice-blend mocha, 1 with whipped cream, and 1 without whipped cream, both regular-sized, right?” He said, “No, I ordered mocha, 1 ice-blended, 1 frappuccino.” Then, I informed him, “But sir, frappuccino is an ice-blended. Unless you wish for 1 ice-blended, and 1 iced-cube mocha,” He said, “ook…” Then I asked, “1 iced-cube mocha, 1 ice-blended mocha?” He said no. He said, “I want 1 ice-blended mocha, 1 mocha frappuccino.” So, I repeat it again, “So, two regular-sized mocha frappuccino ice-blended, 1 with whipped cream, 1 without whipped cream, confirm?” Then, he yelled, “No! I asked for 1 ice-blended mocha without whipped cream and 1 mocha frappuccino with whipped cream,” In my heart, I was yelling what the hell, I have explained to him again and again. So, I took a deep breath and explain in a long term to make him understand. I said, “Sir, a FRAPPUCCINO is a Latin American language. FRAPPUCCINO means ICE-BLENDED. In Starbucks, most of the language such Tall, Grande and Venti is the size of the cups meaning small size, regular size, and large size. This also goes for Ice-blended. We call ice-blended FRAPPUCCINO which means that we ice-blended the drinks (explaining with a big fat fake smile). The others were laughing while making other customers’ beverages and some of them went inside the backroom laughing like hell. I convinced the male customer, let my partner make his drinks, settle the bill and continue with other orders. I know the customer was still blurred and unsure what he really wants and what I really give him.
It was about 15 minutes to closing, a few groups of customer coming in for take-outs. It became pending busy especially at the hot beverage area (because we are using Verismo which only has 1 group). The 3 out of 7 group customer ordered Iced Venti Mocha and 2 Venti Latte. When I repeated the order, the customer corrected me by saying it suppose to have 11 drinks. I was a bit confused. Then, he said 9 iced Venti no iced Mocha and 2 Venti Caffe Latte. I was quite shocked, and said ok while marking. My B1 partner doesn’t know how to do. So I explained to him to pump each 5 pump of mocha syrup, 2 shots of espresso, and pour in milk all the way up, no iced at all but add whipped cream. When settling the bill, the customer wanted to settle it by using credit card. So, the pending began there. I took other customers orders so they don’t have to wait so long. It’s a good thing others ordered frappuccinos since they know there’s 11 pending drinks (Verismo; you have to wait for the shot, unlike Lamarzocco, straightaway tamp and pull one shot after another). Then, after taking about 6 transaction, the customer came back in while waiting for 7 more iced mocha, he ordered another 23 Iced Venti no iced Mocha, this time he paid cash. I was smiling widely while marking the 23 drinks and settled the bill. Seriously, because of the Verismo (which everything is auto, it took them 15 minutes to finished 23+7=30 drinks. It’s a good thing that they don’t need to steam up the milk. All of them yelled closed the till!...
So, I till-out at 12.10am, counted my sales money with cash sales rm1300++ (most of my transaction used credit card), and I have the highest AT again which is 23.97 from 11.32 between 11.20pm to 11.45pm. We closed very late. Suppose we usually finished everything latest 12.20am, but last night we finished about 1.30+ am.
I waited for my sis to come and pick me up in front of pavilion at the main road because my usual waiting place got lots of emo guys lurking there smoking weeds. With no shades at all, it rained again. Thus, I got soaking wet and having a very annoying flu until now. My night was balanced with good and bad, happy and sad experienced in one night.. huhu… haha…boleh sik?
Getting married…(in my dream)
This happened last week actually. Two nights in a row I dreamt this dream where I was proposed to marry someone. But the best part both dream has different situation and 2 different guy proposed to me.
The first dream on the first night was a mix dream. I can’t really remember but before I woke up, me and my friend was inside a bridal shop. I was trying on a wedding dress while he was waiting at the sitting area. I have my long straight hair back in that dream. I asked him for whom this wedding dress for? He replied saying it’s for me. I was surprised and asked him to repeat it. He asked me to look at the mirror. When I turned and looked, he wrote “Marry me, sweet Lin”… I smiled and said yes. My wedding gown was made especially for me, he said. So I guess this guy came from a rich family or he is financially stable because my wedding dress was so damn beautiful. In my dream, I was very comfortable with him. It’s like we’ve known each other quite well. But, I have never seen him in this current world right now. All the sudden, my hp rang but I can’t seem to find it, suddenly, I woke up from my dream around 6.40am. I was like, why am I having this dream. I straight away went shower and prepare going to work.
My day went on smoothly as usual at work. I’ve arrived home around 1.30am, took a shower, ate supper a bit because didn’t ate dinner at work. Blablabla, it’s time for bed. I went to sleep around 2 or 3 am. Believe it or not, I dreamt this wedding dream again for the second time but this time, the situation was different and so was the guy who proposed.
The dream scenery was around between late afternoon or early evening. I was on my way home from class. In that dream, my attire and appearance was quite different. I was wearing a long below knee-length egg-shell coloured dress with little bit parts of printed flower. My hair was long, tight half with a hair pin and let loose half. I also wore a pink rose coloured shawl covering half of my head and neck (macam selendang la). Mmg ayu..hik3. When I reached home, my grandmother greeted me. I was unsure of what’s happening because there’s two unknown cars parked in front of my house (my parents’ house la). So, I went in, there’s a family that I’ve never met before in the livingroom talking with my parents. When they realized I was there, the lady who looked motherly said “This must be Haslinda. We heard so much about you.” I was like ok… while smiling and greet them (salam cium tangan, the malay way of greeting). I didn’t ask anything or any further question and went to my room. On my way to my room, there is this guy calling me softly. So, I turned and looked at him and said hi with a shy tone and expression (boleh x cayak ku perange camya, malu tersipu2 and ayu…wahahahaha). But it was real, my action felt real. I can really feel that I was shy being beside him. “Parents,” I asked. He replied yes. We sat outside together and I began to talk. I asked softly why they are here and why is he here? He answered like a gentleman saying that his parents and he want to ask for my hand in marriage. He gazed at me, really looking at me. I was blushed so fast. I faced down. My heart beats so fast, smiling happily. Then, he took my hand, bringing me toward the livingroom where both our parents were. Everyone agreed for the engagement date… Then terus hari ku bertunang ku tiba. I think we make it at his family house because I’ve never seen that house before. When the event was about to start, I accidentally woke up and realized I was dreaming again. I looked at the time, it was nearly 7am. I was like, what’s with me? Why am I having this type of dream 2 nights in a row. Haizzz…..
I do believed that if you dream of something that you felt like it’s rally happening, it can come true but depend whether it will happen nearly the same way or the opposite, sooner or later. In Islam, we believes that dreaming something bad or good and woke up accidentally around Subuh, your dream is not just a dream, but a sign… Ntah la.
Come to think about it, even though I can’t really remember both guys’ face but boleh tahan characteristic and appearance… Hahahahaha.
The first dream on the first night was a mix dream. I can’t really remember but before I woke up, me and my friend was inside a bridal shop. I was trying on a wedding dress while he was waiting at the sitting area. I have my long straight hair back in that dream. I asked him for whom this wedding dress for? He replied saying it’s for me. I was surprised and asked him to repeat it. He asked me to look at the mirror. When I turned and looked, he wrote “Marry me, sweet Lin”… I smiled and said yes. My wedding gown was made especially for me, he said. So I guess this guy came from a rich family or he is financially stable because my wedding dress was so damn beautiful. In my dream, I was very comfortable with him. It’s like we’ve known each other quite well. But, I have never seen him in this current world right now. All the sudden, my hp rang but I can’t seem to find it, suddenly, I woke up from my dream around 6.40am. I was like, why am I having this dream. I straight away went shower and prepare going to work.
My day went on smoothly as usual at work. I’ve arrived home around 1.30am, took a shower, ate supper a bit because didn’t ate dinner at work. Blablabla, it’s time for bed. I went to sleep around 2 or 3 am. Believe it or not, I dreamt this wedding dream again for the second time but this time, the situation was different and so was the guy who proposed.
The dream scenery was around between late afternoon or early evening. I was on my way home from class. In that dream, my attire and appearance was quite different. I was wearing a long below knee-length egg-shell coloured dress with little bit parts of printed flower. My hair was long, tight half with a hair pin and let loose half. I also wore a pink rose coloured shawl covering half of my head and neck (macam selendang la). Mmg ayu..hik3. When I reached home, my grandmother greeted me. I was unsure of what’s happening because there’s two unknown cars parked in front of my house (my parents’ house la). So, I went in, there’s a family that I’ve never met before in the livingroom talking with my parents. When they realized I was there, the lady who looked motherly said “This must be Haslinda. We heard so much about you.” I was like ok… while smiling and greet them (salam cium tangan, the malay way of greeting). I didn’t ask anything or any further question and went to my room. On my way to my room, there is this guy calling me softly. So, I turned and looked at him and said hi with a shy tone and expression (boleh x cayak ku perange camya, malu tersipu2 and ayu…wahahahaha). But it was real, my action felt real. I can really feel that I was shy being beside him. “Parents,” I asked. He replied yes. We sat outside together and I began to talk. I asked softly why they are here and why is he here? He answered like a gentleman saying that his parents and he want to ask for my hand in marriage. He gazed at me, really looking at me. I was blushed so fast. I faced down. My heart beats so fast, smiling happily. Then, he took my hand, bringing me toward the livingroom where both our parents were. Everyone agreed for the engagement date… Then terus hari ku bertunang ku tiba. I think we make it at his family house because I’ve never seen that house before. When the event was about to start, I accidentally woke up and realized I was dreaming again. I looked at the time, it was nearly 7am. I was like, what’s with me? Why am I having this type of dream 2 nights in a row. Haizzz…..
I do believed that if you dream of something that you felt like it’s rally happening, it can come true but depend whether it will happen nearly the same way or the opposite, sooner or later. In Islam, we believes that dreaming something bad or good and woke up accidentally around Subuh, your dream is not just a dream, but a sign… Ntah la.
Come to think about it, even though I can’t really remember both guys’ face but boleh tahan characteristic and appearance… Hahahahaha.
Saturday, November 15, 2008
Blablabla...LOL
My new Starbucks family.
Everything had changed a lot since I left and came back after 3 years from Kuching. Even from what I’ve learned in previous Starbucks, I carried the culture, the excitement and the true meaning and feeling of working in Starbucks to my partners in Starbucks Spring, Kuching.Starbucks was brought in Malaysia for the main reason is to create the third place; the fun, happening, enthusiastic attitude along with our finest coffees and uplifting extraordinary services that makes us famous for being the warmest welcoming coffee company in the world. That’s what makes me rejoined Starbucks because I do love the environment; not just as a customer, but also as a partner working there. Being able to work multitasking helps create efficiency, save time, plan easily and quickly, and able to deliver excellent services every time because in Starbucks, there’s never a dull moment, never stated in its dictionary saying out of mugs, forks, supplies, etc. This kind of things only happens when partners didn’t apply of what they learned during training and didn’t note down 100% when their seniors taught them. Thus, this creates unsatisfied customers due to waiting so long for the things they want.
When I start to work back in Starbucks, KL which is Starbucks Pavilion; what I taught my new ex partners in Kuching is still imply in any Starbucks in Malaysia. This includes my new Starbucks also. Most of the partners here are also new, but they really doing great jobs, take care of their stores and follow what they learned from their training. Even though this store is nearly as busy as my previous store, but I really work in efficiency. Partners were delegate to do their position and were switch position hrs to hrs so that they don’t feel bored, and everything is always complete and there for us to use. Even going for breaks is easy and quick. You don’t need to slide the whole café. Every 10 or 15 minutes or when there is one table of customer was about to leave, either one partners will gladly slide, clear one or two tables, quick stocking up the condiment bars, rearrange the bookshelf and straight-away wash the dishes and put in on the tray, when its full they just press the dishwasher button. Even spot-sweeps doesn’t take a long-time (fyi, Starbucks Pavilion only have outdoor cafe).
I’m not saying that partners over here are flawless. There are cons also but it’s been polishing quite well since I stepped in to this store’s family. Their impression towards me changes every time but most of all, I’m known as the rebel one, very baby-like manja, and clean-freak. Now, the store’s becoming more complete to its old self.After few times I’ve work here, I really forgot the terms that I always use “Don’t judge a book by its cover”. Before I start working, I observed these partners, and tries to initiate conversation with them, wanting to know them but they responded negatively toward me, even their appearance was 3 out of 10. Seldom smile to customers, doing their own work, there’s no family environment among partners. Once I came in, everything turns 360 degree from what I had expected. They are nice, fun and silly sometimes, but they are too secretive of showing it. Scared that the management might scold them or something, even the senior baristas or managers aren’t like before, until I came in and brings out the craziness in them, let it glow especially in front of customers because customers will feel lively when we greet them by being lively.So, here are my new work friends and starbucks family(only a quarter, havent reall y met the rest of the crew yet)
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Bad Incident
It was late Sunday night on the 9th of November 2008; I was working as usual on closing shift with other 3 baristas and my manager on duty. The night was quite pleasant and fun since I’m working with partners I have met and bonded with easily.We finished closing the store quite early that night and most of them straight-away went home except for me, Hafiz and Ad (both of us closing bar and waited for Ad to finish his paperwork). After we locked the door, Hafiz went off because he parked his motorbike in different direction to where me and Ad heading. I sit at my usual waiting place at the taxi stand located near in front of Pavilion for my sister to come and pick me up. My sister was never punctual even though she had lived in KL for 9 years and knows the traffic very well. While waiting for her, I was constantly messaging my best friend as usual he always message until I reach safely home. All the sudden, comes this foreign either Pakistan or whatever country guy out of nowhere sitting beside me and was saying something. I looked at him with a confused faced, then he said sure, sure… So I was like, uuh..ok…????? and continuing messaging my friend at the same time telling him about this foreign guy disturbing me. Then, this foreign guy (I’ll name him Des as in desperate), so this guy Des, continues to flirt. He asked with this “macho” attitude, “So, are you Chinese or Malay?” I looked at him, and asked why does he want to know? He answered something that I can’t hear a single word… So I replied saying that I’m Malay. Then, he was talking shit saying that he really love Malay girls and keep looking for one or something. I then looked at him and said if I told him that I’m Chinese surely he will say the same thing. Then he laughed.I continue messaging my friend and ignoring him, then he lean closer to my face as if he wants to smell me or kiss me. So, I back off a bit, and looked at him with an angry face and looked at the 2 security guard in front me while giving them signals that I need their help. Then, he asked for my name. I said hastily, “It’s none of your business to know my name and I’m not comfortable you being way too close to me!” He was either so stupid or deaf because he slides even more close. I was pissed off at the 2 security guards just staring and do nothing even though they heard every word I said. Back to this guy, I was already shaking because I know that he isn’t drunk. I was cursing and saying to myself, “Sis! Where are u?”… He was inviting me for a drink while I can feel like he was sniffing my hair. I yelled, “Back off! I’m not comfortable having you here. YOU ARE DISTURBING ME! LEAVE!” …I don’t know whether he is so damn stupid or didn’t understand my tone of voice, he then grab my hand and caressing it from my fingers to my shoulder. I felt harassed and thinking that this guy is a lunatic. My tears came out; I grabbed my bag and ran from there. I was cursing my sister so badly for never punctual every time I told her to pick me up at certain time especially around late nights. So, I waited at the traffic lights where cars keep passing by. Told my friend what happened, while waiting for my sister to come and fetch me… He scolded me, saying that I’m too soft.The reason why I posted this incident because every time I think about it, it’s true. He is right. I am too soft. I wondered and evaluate myself. It seems that I’ve changed ever since I moved to Kuching. I became a girly girl. If this incident can turn its clock back, I was not supposed to react like that. Last time, when this kind of thing happened, I will respond very brutally. Either I will punched him, threw my beverage at him, etc… not cried and ran. Oh My God! What happen to the other half of me? It’s been 3 years since I’ve experienced this matter. I guessed environment does play its part in changing your personality, whether to be a better person or the worse. One thing that I see in myself compared to 4 years ago. I am a lady, I mean my feminine side finally shows
Saturday, November 8, 2008
My 1sT DaY WorkinG iN StarBucKs PaViLioN (My NeW StarBucKs HoMe)
I was so nervous the whole day knowing that I will be working in a new environment. Of course, every Starbucks store is actually not the same. Previously in 2005, I had work in many Starbucks in KL and I still have the nervous feeling. I know that it is because it’s not my permanent place, or shall I say, my Starbucks home ( Plazaberjaya Starbucks in 2005) Starbucks The Spring, Kuching was my home as I consider it and the partners that I worked with alongside Starbucks KIA partners were my family(will always be). Now that I’m permanently transferred to Starbuck Pavilion 1, the partners here will be my new family… but still, I really haven’t adapt yet, even the environment is quite differ from my own workplace in Kuching. I was welcomed by them, yet I still feel very nervous, so was them. They don’t know whether to treat me as a new partner or an old partner because of knowing about my work experiences in Starbucks. I became more nervous because they know more about me as I know so little about each one of them. Not to talk big, but they’re really amazed on how I work, even start me “akak”… but when both side ask about our age, some are same age as me, and most are older than me. The first step I took was going inside their B.O.H., preparing myself to start work. Chris (my female AM who I was shock to hear that she is a year younger than me) welcomed me with a bright smile. There is also Rahim (my SM) asking for my size to give me my Christmas Shirt, when she hears us talking, she asks, “Rahim, dia Cina ke? BM dia cantik, smooth jer pronunciation,” I giggled when he replied yes (its obvious he didn’t really read my full name when I fill up my application form). So I replied to her, “No, I’m Malay.” All of them were surprised to hear it.
It was 6pm, when there are 3 partners working closing with me, was in shock hearing that I’m Malay and I from Sarawak. So, we talk mostly about since all of them asking and I haven’t got the chance to ask about them. There are 2 male partners named Hafizsa (quite long working in Starbucks) and Arif (very new, not yet 1 month). Asking silly questions and they are pleasant to work with as they know that I’m nervous much more than them. The 3rd, is a female partner coming in at 8pm. When my AM introduce me to her, she keep looking at me puzzled saying “I’ve seen her before and might know her,” and both said that same word when we looked at each other closer, then both of us screamed! I was so happy to see that it’s Irna, my batch from 2005. We talked a lot while working, updating eachother’s life.
Back to working, I wasn’t been given a till as I’m still adapting on my first day at work, so I mostly make beverages. What was a shocked to me was when customers were blurred looking at me when I’m initiating conversation with them while making their drinks. It’s as if this communicating bonding with customers thingy never happened. Even for the regulars, the partners themselves were surprised to see how smooth and well my conversation with customers, even knowing 3 of their regular customer’s name beside just beverages that I knew from one partner named Dee, asked me to make these customers beverage even before the order was taken. I ask, “What’s the customers’ name?” They don’t know; only know his/her beverages. So, while making the drink, I asked politely, wanting to know him/her, saying that “I’m new here and I heard that you have been one of our store’s regular guest, may I know your name?” and then conversation when on until the beverage is done. I met last week one not so regular but does come to Starbucks Pavilion once a while to online with his Grande Latte ordered, compliment me saying that I am a cool person when we met at Starbucks that day. he compliments me when we were chatting online. I asked why he said so… he said I’m very cheerful and pleasant person, even when I’m not working. I was pleased to hear that so I said thank you to him. Another customer thought that I’m the manager there because the way I treat customers differently; out-shine, warm and friendly, soft and very well-mannered when speaking, and sweet smile. Silently, I’m quite touched…hehehehehe.
I realized that I was being observed by partners here also. I don’t know, but I have the feeling that some were amazed of how well I adapt and make customer feel welcomed, and look at my body action and smiley face where warm and very friendly. It’s true that the way they take customers’ order very different from my way. What I mean is their body languages, and how they speak to their customers when taking order. They just use basic languages, basic taking order, and basic beverages. 8 hrs of making drinks, I only make few customized drinks and it’s only when there’s Rahim as the floater. It’s like I have my own style in taking orders while all of them follow the same style that they observed from perhaps their seniors or from other stores. On the other hand, some might feel intimidated and inferior of me knowing that I’m one of the “otai’ barista, so this kind of thing is easy for me (in their mind). Wrong! It’s hard when you have to do it all over again just because you transferred to a new place where no one knows who you are. I told them politely (just so that they know my intention was good and this suppose to be common), “bonding is essential, when we make them feel welcomed, they will never go to any other Starbucks or any coffee company. They will keep coming here, even if it’s far from their workplace or home. This is what we call “third place”. They love and want to come here and only here because they feel special, like a superstar. They like it when we greet them with their name, ask how his/her day?, know their favourite drink, etc. On top of that, regular customers are much easier for you to promote new drinks & food, up selling (suggest customization to make their beverage taste even better), etc because regulars surely willing to buy new things, to taste new things, and they don’t mind paying a lot because of our extraordinary service.”
The funniest and silly thing happened was around 10pm, it was quite busy (not as busy as Starbucks, The Spring), I was delegated as B2 doing blended beverage, etc. I was just finished filling up 2 whipped cream bottles. When I was shaking the whipped cream bottle, I didn’t realized that there was this foreign guy, very tall, fit, very the C.I.O type, was observing me shaking it. He and his 2 friend was still taking their order, when I was just finished the 2 bottles, I turn around facing toward them and I saw his wide smile gazing at me. I was blushing and wanted to go inside the B.O.H but I was planted at the same time. Chris was making hot beverages. I told her, “Leen malu ni!” She ask why and I told her that this guy was observing me shaking the whipped cream (in BM so that he wouldn’t understand us talking about him) and both of us were laughing. When he was at the expediter and Chris handover his and his friend’s drinks, he told her this, “your friend is hot. I like the way she shake the bottle,” Chris ask him how I shake it and he imitate with his hand how I shake the bottle. She laughs and when he left, she tease me on I shake the bottle… It was funny and embarrassed at the same time…hahahahahaha. The worst part was, he keeps looking at me when I’m standing at where he can see me and smile again and again.
Another one was quite confusing, whether to laugh or be scared by this customer. I was the floater at the moment taking this group of 6 Chinese guys. The one taking his friends orders along his own beverage was very pleased by my friendliness. He compliment saying before he enters in until now he never see me not smiling and giggling with the staff and with other guests. They sat at outside café area near the door. After nearly half of their beverages had been drank, one of his friend approach me when I was bussing the tables near to where their sitting. He came toward me very fast and said these words really fast but I was able to catch every word he said. He said, “I love your ass!” I stood there with a blank expression (because you don’t know what to respond). He smile, and then went inside to order some cakes. I was still blank until his friend (the one who ordered) apologised for his friend rudeness. I just smile and continue bussing. When I was about to go inside, I realized all the while I was bussing, he keeps looking at me, smiling until I look at his direction. So, I continue smiling, look down and walk straight in. I think he felt guilty that his friend said that to me. Even when they were about to leave, he took a last glance at me. I wave goodbye, like I usually do with my customers in Starbucks Kuching. He smiled and wave back.
Since I have not been working for nearly a month because of transferring and family matters, I became tired so quickly, and its only half way of working, not even near to closing the store. My legs and hands were shaking; I can’t even call out properly anymore. My eyes already swollen keep hanging on; trying not to feel sleepy and avoid yawning whenever I can. I keep crunching ice to keep me awake…hahahaha. If I told my partners in Kuching, they will confirm don’t believe that I can be tired so easily, because when I was there, we even have time hanging out eating late at night until 4 or 5 in the morning then we go back to our own home.
Tonight the store close at 1am, I keep thinking that perhaps tonight everyone will sure to go home late since I don’t know the procedure of how they close for each part. I was quite shocked that my café task was so little. I only rearrange the merchandise, stock up the bottled beverages, condiment bars, wipe 5 tables, sweep and mop indoor café (which is very small the indoor café). I did all that in 15-20 minutes. I started at 12.30am and finished before 1am. I don’t need to clean the glass windows and doors (which we Spring partners do every closing shift) and I don’t need to clean outdoor café (which have lots of tables), I only bussing for ashtrays, plates and mugs, and wipe tables. Want to know why? They have their own monthly paid cleaner named Baiya helping cleaning the outdoor café, throw lots of trash, and wipe the glass windows and doors. Wah! So pampered these partners here, right? No wonder all can go home early. I imagine if they close our store (either Starbucks Spring or Starbucks KIA), surely lots of nagging, muttering and crying that they are really tired. No wonder when I told Rahim about how long we close our store by doing almost everything ourselves and constant applying chemical day by longest 1 hr 30mins after business hour. For example, business close at 12am; earliest close everything 12.30am, average at 12.50am and latest is at 1.30am (only when there’s new partner need to teach closing task). He was amazed, seriously…
That’s as much what I had experienced on my first day at new workplace. To think about it, I had fun, in a weird kind way.
Friday, 7/11/2008
It was 6pm, when there are 3 partners working closing with me, was in shock hearing that I’m Malay and I from Sarawak. So, we talk mostly about since all of them asking and I haven’t got the chance to ask about them. There are 2 male partners named Hafizsa (quite long working in Starbucks) and Arif (very new, not yet 1 month). Asking silly questions and they are pleasant to work with as they know that I’m nervous much more than them. The 3rd, is a female partner coming in at 8pm. When my AM introduce me to her, she keep looking at me puzzled saying “I’ve seen her before and might know her,” and both said that same word when we looked at each other closer, then both of us screamed! I was so happy to see that it’s Irna, my batch from 2005. We talked a lot while working, updating eachother’s life.
Back to working, I wasn’t been given a till as I’m still adapting on my first day at work, so I mostly make beverages. What was a shocked to me was when customers were blurred looking at me when I’m initiating conversation with them while making their drinks. It’s as if this communicating bonding with customers thingy never happened. Even for the regulars, the partners themselves were surprised to see how smooth and well my conversation with customers, even knowing 3 of their regular customer’s name beside just beverages that I knew from one partner named Dee, asked me to make these customers beverage even before the order was taken. I ask, “What’s the customers’ name?” They don’t know; only know his/her beverages. So, while making the drink, I asked politely, wanting to know him/her, saying that “I’m new here and I heard that you have been one of our store’s regular guest, may I know your name?” and then conversation when on until the beverage is done. I met last week one not so regular but does come to Starbucks Pavilion once a while to online with his Grande Latte ordered, compliment me saying that I am a cool person when we met at Starbucks that day. he compliments me when we were chatting online. I asked why he said so… he said I’m very cheerful and pleasant person, even when I’m not working. I was pleased to hear that so I said thank you to him. Another customer thought that I’m the manager there because the way I treat customers differently; out-shine, warm and friendly, soft and very well-mannered when speaking, and sweet smile. Silently, I’m quite touched…hehehehehe.
I realized that I was being observed by partners here also. I don’t know, but I have the feeling that some were amazed of how well I adapt and make customer feel welcomed, and look at my body action and smiley face where warm and very friendly. It’s true that the way they take customers’ order very different from my way. What I mean is their body languages, and how they speak to their customers when taking order. They just use basic languages, basic taking order, and basic beverages. 8 hrs of making drinks, I only make few customized drinks and it’s only when there’s Rahim as the floater. It’s like I have my own style in taking orders while all of them follow the same style that they observed from perhaps their seniors or from other stores. On the other hand, some might feel intimidated and inferior of me knowing that I’m one of the “otai’ barista, so this kind of thing is easy for me (in their mind). Wrong! It’s hard when you have to do it all over again just because you transferred to a new place where no one knows who you are. I told them politely (just so that they know my intention was good and this suppose to be common), “bonding is essential, when we make them feel welcomed, they will never go to any other Starbucks or any coffee company. They will keep coming here, even if it’s far from their workplace or home. This is what we call “third place”. They love and want to come here and only here because they feel special, like a superstar. They like it when we greet them with their name, ask how his/her day?, know their favourite drink, etc. On top of that, regular customers are much easier for you to promote new drinks & food, up selling (suggest customization to make their beverage taste even better), etc because regulars surely willing to buy new things, to taste new things, and they don’t mind paying a lot because of our extraordinary service.”
The funniest and silly thing happened was around 10pm, it was quite busy (not as busy as Starbucks, The Spring), I was delegated as B2 doing blended beverage, etc. I was just finished filling up 2 whipped cream bottles. When I was shaking the whipped cream bottle, I didn’t realized that there was this foreign guy, very tall, fit, very the C.I.O type, was observing me shaking it. He and his 2 friend was still taking their order, when I was just finished the 2 bottles, I turn around facing toward them and I saw his wide smile gazing at me. I was blushing and wanted to go inside the B.O.H but I was planted at the same time. Chris was making hot beverages. I told her, “Leen malu ni!” She ask why and I told her that this guy was observing me shaking the whipped cream (in BM so that he wouldn’t understand us talking about him) and both of us were laughing. When he was at the expediter and Chris handover his and his friend’s drinks, he told her this, “your friend is hot. I like the way she shake the bottle,” Chris ask him how I shake it and he imitate with his hand how I shake the bottle. She laughs and when he left, she tease me on I shake the bottle… It was funny and embarrassed at the same time…hahahahahaha. The worst part was, he keeps looking at me when I’m standing at where he can see me and smile again and again.
Another one was quite confusing, whether to laugh or be scared by this customer. I was the floater at the moment taking this group of 6 Chinese guys. The one taking his friends orders along his own beverage was very pleased by my friendliness. He compliment saying before he enters in until now he never see me not smiling and giggling with the staff and with other guests. They sat at outside café area near the door. After nearly half of their beverages had been drank, one of his friend approach me when I was bussing the tables near to where their sitting. He came toward me very fast and said these words really fast but I was able to catch every word he said. He said, “I love your ass!” I stood there with a blank expression (because you don’t know what to respond). He smile, and then went inside to order some cakes. I was still blank until his friend (the one who ordered) apologised for his friend rudeness. I just smile and continue bussing. When I was about to go inside, I realized all the while I was bussing, he keeps looking at me, smiling until I look at his direction. So, I continue smiling, look down and walk straight in. I think he felt guilty that his friend said that to me. Even when they were about to leave, he took a last glance at me. I wave goodbye, like I usually do with my customers in Starbucks Kuching. He smiled and wave back.
Since I have not been working for nearly a month because of transferring and family matters, I became tired so quickly, and its only half way of working, not even near to closing the store. My legs and hands were shaking; I can’t even call out properly anymore. My eyes already swollen keep hanging on; trying not to feel sleepy and avoid yawning whenever I can. I keep crunching ice to keep me awake…hahahaha. If I told my partners in Kuching, they will confirm don’t believe that I can be tired so easily, because when I was there, we even have time hanging out eating late at night until 4 or 5 in the morning then we go back to our own home.
Tonight the store close at 1am, I keep thinking that perhaps tonight everyone will sure to go home late since I don’t know the procedure of how they close for each part. I was quite shocked that my café task was so little. I only rearrange the merchandise, stock up the bottled beverages, condiment bars, wipe 5 tables, sweep and mop indoor café (which is very small the indoor café). I did all that in 15-20 minutes. I started at 12.30am and finished before 1am. I don’t need to clean the glass windows and doors (which we Spring partners do every closing shift) and I don’t need to clean outdoor café (which have lots of tables), I only bussing for ashtrays, plates and mugs, and wipe tables. Want to know why? They have their own monthly paid cleaner named Baiya helping cleaning the outdoor café, throw lots of trash, and wipe the glass windows and doors. Wah! So pampered these partners here, right? No wonder all can go home early. I imagine if they close our store (either Starbucks Spring or Starbucks KIA), surely lots of nagging, muttering and crying that they are really tired. No wonder when I told Rahim about how long we close our store by doing almost everything ourselves and constant applying chemical day by longest 1 hr 30mins after business hour. For example, business close at 12am; earliest close everything 12.30am, average at 12.50am and latest is at 1.30am (only when there’s new partner need to teach closing task). He was amazed, seriously…
That’s as much what I had experienced on my first day at new workplace. To think about it, I had fun, in a weird kind way.
Friday, 7/11/2008
Monday, October 13, 2008
LoNeLiNesS
Loneliness has lots of meaning; it depends on each individual self to interpret the meaning of loneliness. It is hard to describe exactly what it is, or how come we feel this way. Perhaps a better question is "what is loneliness for you?" The reason why I wrote this topic is due to curiosity, self experienced, and observation through the people I care and live through life with. Below are my opinion about loneliness, its varied forms, its varied causes and the various ways that people cope with loneliness
Loneliness is a universal phenomenon, it visits every human soul at some time in every culture, every race, every class, every age, and at all times in human history. It is inescapable, and has been expressed commonly throughout the ages in music, literature and art. To feel lonely is to join the rest of humanity in acknowledging that we are somehow fundamentally separated from each other, doomed to speak and yet never fully understood. Not only is loneliness so pervasive, but it has been associated with a variety of different emotions. People who feel lonely describe it as painful, and it is associated very strongly with feelings of depression, suicide, low self-esteem and aggression. Being lonely for too long may not be a good thing. And while we suffer a monadic existence, we are social animals, needing each other, to bond, to connect, to love. It is the paradox of human existence to seek to fill a need that can never be satisfied, to fill the vortex of loneliness in our lives.
Feeling of loneliness can occur in varies ways. There are painful feeling, feeling lost; having no sense of direction, a feeling of nothingness, a persistent feeling, loneliness that can be overwhelming, having no control over loneliness, feeling no emotions; feeling numb, and feeling other emotions.
Loneliness is painful. Without a doubt, this experienced of loneliness was the most commonly brought up. Other terms to describe the feeling of lonely pain include hurt, sorrow, ache, sadness, depression, torn up, bleeding, and broken. Clearly the pain is one in which the lonely individual feels damaged, as though a part inside them (spirit) was crushed. It hurts to feel lonely and it hurts even more because we don't have anyone to share it with.
Lonely individuals described a feeling of being lost, and not knowing where they are going. Other metaphorical words include things like darkness, night, blinded, drowning, clueless, and lack of meaning. Why would we feel so lost when we are lonely? In my opinion it's because other people help give us a sense of meaning and understanding of the world. When you have a problem that you can't figure out for yourself, what do you do? You go and talk to someone else about it. People help us to figure out what talents we have, what are our good points and our bad points that we have. In other words, people help us maintain a sense of identity. When we are lonely, and no one is around to give us support, we can begin to lose our sense of identity, no one is there to point out our mistakes, to give us a different point of view, to praise us when we do a good job. We can become encircled in our own delusions and thinking without the benefit of others to break us out of the vicious cycle. It is no wonder then that lonely individuals report this feeling of being lost and confused, it's because there is no one out there to maintain our sense of identity, our sense of self.
Feeling of nothingness is another term of loneliness expression. It has also been described as a void, a black hole, an abyss, hollow, and empty space. Basically there is a feeling that something is missing. When we break up with someone we didn't want to break up with, or we are missing someone we love dearly, we often describe that we feel a hole in our heart, emptiness somewhere in the space of our chest. What is this emptiness that we feel? This emptiness is a yearning for others, for others to be close to us, for others to love us. When we are hungry for food, our stomach growls, we get an empty feeling in the pits of our stomachs, we can't stop thinking about food, and sometimes it even hurts. In much the same way, loneliness is a hunger for others, a psychological need that must be satisfied… The need for people is a very real need, and therefore when it is not satisfied, this typical feeling is bound to occur as well.
Loneliness can be a misery that has been going on for a very long time for some people. This loneliness is known as a persistent feeling. Why would someone experience loneliness over such an extended period of time? There are several reasons that I’ve encountered with several people. The first reason is that the person is in an inescapable situation that is by its very natural isolating. For example, a person whose job requires constant moving from place to place, will probably not find the time to make secure friendships and may experience loneliness. A second reason is that a person grew up in a rejecting and/or abuse environment. In such cases, I believe, that individuals develop certain mechanisms to help cope with loneliness. These mechanisms usually involve put up personal blocks that protect one from getting hurt by others by maintain a safe distance between all people. These individuals learn not to trust anyone lest they get hurt. Because they have developed these mechanisms, when they are older, they treat new individuals and new circumstances in much the same manner. They construct their social worlds to be one that is very isolating and lonely, but also very protected from feelings of hurt.
In some cases, loneliness can be overwhelming, so overwhelming in fact that lonely individuals feel like they are about to burst! There is a feeling of despair, not knowing how much more of this painful loneliness one can take, feeling as if one is going to break apart at any minute. How agonizing this must be! It feels like that person is a volcano and is about to erupt its lava anytime. Lonely individuals may feel this way because very often one is experiencing a wide variety of emotions and experiences, and yet there is no one to talk to, no one to share it with. Imagine having a problem, or you have done something great but there is no one there to share it with. These feelings just might end up being bottled inside your heart, leaving it there as it were. Even so, there are limits in how much we can hold it inside our heart and mind. Thus, we may indeed burst if there is no one to share, to know and to care, or if we can’t find a way to let it out somehow. This is why I feel that loneliness can be one of the most essential topics to talk about. Without having people to know about our development in life, by keeping everything in a bottle, we rather just live life like a robot, then...
Sometimes loneliness is objectified into a person, and loneliness takes on a personality all of its own. In this way it has its own whims and fancies; it behaves in whatever way it feels like. To me, this feeling of uncontrollable loneliness is always constantly staring at the person, where ever he/she go. In these ways loneliness has grown greater than the individual. Individuals who feel this way are probably not facing something important in their lives; they are avoiding dealing with something. Usually, this type of loneliness has already started since in the age childhood, with feelings of unfulfilled love and attachment, experiences so deep inside the person now, individuals starts to create a different set of self that indicates as loneliness seems to have a life and personality all of its own (split personality). Other times though, it may be that the individual is trapped in a situation they would rather not be in. Such is the case of the lover who has lost his/her beloved, the object of affection is gone. These situations require us to accept the situation and move on, more easily said than done, I admit! In both cases though, loneliness can feel like it is more powerful than you are.
Feeling no emotions, feeling numb, putting ourselves in a cold, frozen, void of true emotions are some of the descriptions that have been associated with feelings of loneliness as well. It is almost as if we have shut down our emotion center. It interprets like living lifelessly. At some point in time, when we are tired of facing too much complication and matters that are way beyond our controls anymore, we may decide not to feel anymore, we may become so overburdened with all the pain, the hurt, the sorrow, the loss of control that we shut our emotion center down. In these instances, lonely individuals put themselves in cold, frozen places where they don't have to feel anything.
There are also several other negative emotion such as feelings of being scared and afraid, or angry or hatred. For some people who have known what it is like to have close friends and family around, being isolated and alone can be very frightening and scary. There is a desire for comfort and security. When that security is gone, and loneliness appears, it can also be a frightening time as well. For other people though, there is a lot of bitterness and resentment. Usually it is against the people who lonely individuals perceive have hurt them in the past or present. It could be an ex-relationship, or people in general or the world, but the underlying theme here is that the world has hurt them and they are angry that it did. And so, in addition their feelings of loneliness they also respond with feelings of anger, putting an ego behaviour to make people fear them but the facts is their themselves are afraid to open up, to trust, and accepting.
This type of behaviour and feeling of loneliness would not help us to realize with open eyes and heart that there are still goodness in this world, and people who really sincerely care about us. Do not let your self feel lonely, or create that loneliness. I have been living to many places as I grow up, the loneliness does appear but I know that it would not overpower me, make me lose my identity because I know that I have people who cares about me where ever I stand. Those people are my family, my friends, and people I care and cherish as much as they cherish me... Thank you.
Loneliness is a universal phenomenon, it visits every human soul at some time in every culture, every race, every class, every age, and at all times in human history. It is inescapable, and has been expressed commonly throughout the ages in music, literature and art. To feel lonely is to join the rest of humanity in acknowledging that we are somehow fundamentally separated from each other, doomed to speak and yet never fully understood. Not only is loneliness so pervasive, but it has been associated with a variety of different emotions. People who feel lonely describe it as painful, and it is associated very strongly with feelings of depression, suicide, low self-esteem and aggression. Being lonely for too long may not be a good thing. And while we suffer a monadic existence, we are social animals, needing each other, to bond, to connect, to love. It is the paradox of human existence to seek to fill a need that can never be satisfied, to fill the vortex of loneliness in our lives.
Feeling of loneliness can occur in varies ways. There are painful feeling, feeling lost; having no sense of direction, a feeling of nothingness, a persistent feeling, loneliness that can be overwhelming, having no control over loneliness, feeling no emotions; feeling numb, and feeling other emotions.
Loneliness is painful. Without a doubt, this experienced of loneliness was the most commonly brought up. Other terms to describe the feeling of lonely pain include hurt, sorrow, ache, sadness, depression, torn up, bleeding, and broken. Clearly the pain is one in which the lonely individual feels damaged, as though a part inside them (spirit) was crushed. It hurts to feel lonely and it hurts even more because we don't have anyone to share it with.
Lonely individuals described a feeling of being lost, and not knowing where they are going. Other metaphorical words include things like darkness, night, blinded, drowning, clueless, and lack of meaning. Why would we feel so lost when we are lonely? In my opinion it's because other people help give us a sense of meaning and understanding of the world. When you have a problem that you can't figure out for yourself, what do you do? You go and talk to someone else about it. People help us to figure out what talents we have, what are our good points and our bad points that we have. In other words, people help us maintain a sense of identity. When we are lonely, and no one is around to give us support, we can begin to lose our sense of identity, no one is there to point out our mistakes, to give us a different point of view, to praise us when we do a good job. We can become encircled in our own delusions and thinking without the benefit of others to break us out of the vicious cycle. It is no wonder then that lonely individuals report this feeling of being lost and confused, it's because there is no one out there to maintain our sense of identity, our sense of self.
Feeling of nothingness is another term of loneliness expression. It has also been described as a void, a black hole, an abyss, hollow, and empty space. Basically there is a feeling that something is missing. When we break up with someone we didn't want to break up with, or we are missing someone we love dearly, we often describe that we feel a hole in our heart, emptiness somewhere in the space of our chest. What is this emptiness that we feel? This emptiness is a yearning for others, for others to be close to us, for others to love us. When we are hungry for food, our stomach growls, we get an empty feeling in the pits of our stomachs, we can't stop thinking about food, and sometimes it even hurts. In much the same way, loneliness is a hunger for others, a psychological need that must be satisfied… The need for people is a very real need, and therefore when it is not satisfied, this typical feeling is bound to occur as well.
Loneliness can be a misery that has been going on for a very long time for some people. This loneliness is known as a persistent feeling. Why would someone experience loneliness over such an extended period of time? There are several reasons that I’ve encountered with several people. The first reason is that the person is in an inescapable situation that is by its very natural isolating. For example, a person whose job requires constant moving from place to place, will probably not find the time to make secure friendships and may experience loneliness. A second reason is that a person grew up in a rejecting and/or abuse environment. In such cases, I believe, that individuals develop certain mechanisms to help cope with loneliness. These mechanisms usually involve put up personal blocks that protect one from getting hurt by others by maintain a safe distance between all people. These individuals learn not to trust anyone lest they get hurt. Because they have developed these mechanisms, when they are older, they treat new individuals and new circumstances in much the same manner. They construct their social worlds to be one that is very isolating and lonely, but also very protected from feelings of hurt.
In some cases, loneliness can be overwhelming, so overwhelming in fact that lonely individuals feel like they are about to burst! There is a feeling of despair, not knowing how much more of this painful loneliness one can take, feeling as if one is going to break apart at any minute. How agonizing this must be! It feels like that person is a volcano and is about to erupt its lava anytime. Lonely individuals may feel this way because very often one is experiencing a wide variety of emotions and experiences, and yet there is no one to talk to, no one to share it with. Imagine having a problem, or you have done something great but there is no one there to share it with. These feelings just might end up being bottled inside your heart, leaving it there as it were. Even so, there are limits in how much we can hold it inside our heart and mind. Thus, we may indeed burst if there is no one to share, to know and to care, or if we can’t find a way to let it out somehow. This is why I feel that loneliness can be one of the most essential topics to talk about. Without having people to know about our development in life, by keeping everything in a bottle, we rather just live life like a robot, then...
Sometimes loneliness is objectified into a person, and loneliness takes on a personality all of its own. In this way it has its own whims and fancies; it behaves in whatever way it feels like. To me, this feeling of uncontrollable loneliness is always constantly staring at the person, where ever he/she go. In these ways loneliness has grown greater than the individual. Individuals who feel this way are probably not facing something important in their lives; they are avoiding dealing with something. Usually, this type of loneliness has already started since in the age childhood, with feelings of unfulfilled love and attachment, experiences so deep inside the person now, individuals starts to create a different set of self that indicates as loneliness seems to have a life and personality all of its own (split personality). Other times though, it may be that the individual is trapped in a situation they would rather not be in. Such is the case of the lover who has lost his/her beloved, the object of affection is gone. These situations require us to accept the situation and move on, more easily said than done, I admit! In both cases though, loneliness can feel like it is more powerful than you are.
Feeling no emotions, feeling numb, putting ourselves in a cold, frozen, void of true emotions are some of the descriptions that have been associated with feelings of loneliness as well. It is almost as if we have shut down our emotion center. It interprets like living lifelessly. At some point in time, when we are tired of facing too much complication and matters that are way beyond our controls anymore, we may decide not to feel anymore, we may become so overburdened with all the pain, the hurt, the sorrow, the loss of control that we shut our emotion center down. In these instances, lonely individuals put themselves in cold, frozen places where they don't have to feel anything.
There are also several other negative emotion such as feelings of being scared and afraid, or angry or hatred. For some people who have known what it is like to have close friends and family around, being isolated and alone can be very frightening and scary. There is a desire for comfort and security. When that security is gone, and loneliness appears, it can also be a frightening time as well. For other people though, there is a lot of bitterness and resentment. Usually it is against the people who lonely individuals perceive have hurt them in the past or present. It could be an ex-relationship, or people in general or the world, but the underlying theme here is that the world has hurt them and they are angry that it did. And so, in addition their feelings of loneliness they also respond with feelings of anger, putting an ego behaviour to make people fear them but the facts is their themselves are afraid to open up, to trust, and accepting.
This type of behaviour and feeling of loneliness would not help us to realize with open eyes and heart that there are still goodness in this world, and people who really sincerely care about us. Do not let your self feel lonely, or create that loneliness. I have been living to many places as I grow up, the loneliness does appear but I know that it would not overpower me, make me lose my identity because I know that I have people who cares about me where ever I stand. Those people are my family, my friends, and people I care and cherish as much as they cherish me... Thank you.
Thursday, August 21, 2008
KasiH, saYanG, CintA - 3 MakSuD Yg BerBeZa
It was a gloomy week for me because I kept quarrelling with a person I really care… So, that week I had stayed with my girls straight for 3 nights in Alamanda. One night, we kind of debating about the topic of love… since of us accidentally brought the topic up.
No offence, but we kind of angry at most guys who does not know how to differentiate what type of love each other gives and take between different gender whether that two are friends, colleagues, bestfriends, bestfriends with benefits, or lovers.
The love they wish to give always turn out different when they wish to deliver it to the girl. My best friend tries to defend her distant relationship with her boyfriend but she knows when I talk about this things, it’s always true. This is due of me being an observer and a good listener to most of my friends who are in a relationship status.
Love has 3 different meaning and saying it in Malay Language really clears out the differences. Thus, I would like to use it here also… hehehehe.
Love – Kasih
Perasaan yang asalnya wujud secara semulajadi sesama keluarga.
Perassan kasih yang selalu dan patut dberikan kepada seorang yang di gelar kawan.
Perassan seperti ini juga sering diberkan tanpa pengetahuan penerima (pendek kata tepuk sebelah tangan atau dalam Bahasa Inggeris-indenial feelings)…
Perasaan ini juga akan digunakan dipermulaan pengenalan jika suka kepada seseorang lebih dari seorang kawan.
Love – Sayang
Perasaan sayang berlaku apabila tercetusnya perasaan ingin mengenali seseorang n merapatkn lagi hubungannya dengan si dia lebih dari seorang kawan, dan seorang yang meminati dan telah memendam perasaan tersebut.
When theres click and sparkles, then you can consider this type of love should be given and taken.
Nowadays, people tend to use this feeling when their stating themselves as scandals, bestfriends with benefits, and unofficial lovers.
This type of love always makes us confused of what eachother give and take.
Love – Cinta
Eternal pure love; where there’s sacrifices, trust, honesty, sharing everything with you beloved. For better or for worse, facing varies challenges of being with eachother. This love is form when you know that the person is made just for you, that the person that you love till death is the one.
As we were talking, my friend changed the tv channel and Al-Kulliyah was on. So, we were watching it and when the Uztaz announced the topic of discussion, we all laughed so loud. My friend was shocked and called me an antenna. The Uztaz was also talking about differences meaning and category of “Love” which are “Love-Kasih”, “Love-Sayang”, and “Love-Cinta”. The friend of mine who have a boyfriend was shocked to hear both the Uztaz and my explanations about these three level of love are the same.
Each of us has to be careful when we use the word “I Love You” to a certain someone. We must make sure what type of love that we give and the type of love that we receive from him/her.
No offence, but we kind of angry at most guys who does not know how to differentiate what type of love each other gives and take between different gender whether that two are friends, colleagues, bestfriends, bestfriends with benefits, or lovers.
The love they wish to give always turn out different when they wish to deliver it to the girl. My best friend tries to defend her distant relationship with her boyfriend but she knows when I talk about this things, it’s always true. This is due of me being an observer and a good listener to most of my friends who are in a relationship status.
Love has 3 different meaning and saying it in Malay Language really clears out the differences. Thus, I would like to use it here also… hehehehe.
Love – Kasih
Perasaan yang asalnya wujud secara semulajadi sesama keluarga.
Perassan kasih yang selalu dan patut dberikan kepada seorang yang di gelar kawan.
Perassan seperti ini juga sering diberkan tanpa pengetahuan penerima (pendek kata tepuk sebelah tangan atau dalam Bahasa Inggeris-indenial feelings)…
Perasaan ini juga akan digunakan dipermulaan pengenalan jika suka kepada seseorang lebih dari seorang kawan.
Love – Sayang
Perasaan sayang berlaku apabila tercetusnya perasaan ingin mengenali seseorang n merapatkn lagi hubungannya dengan si dia lebih dari seorang kawan, dan seorang yang meminati dan telah memendam perasaan tersebut.
When theres click and sparkles, then you can consider this type of love should be given and taken.
Nowadays, people tend to use this feeling when their stating themselves as scandals, bestfriends with benefits, and unofficial lovers.
This type of love always makes us confused of what eachother give and take.
Love – Cinta
Eternal pure love; where there’s sacrifices, trust, honesty, sharing everything with you beloved. For better or for worse, facing varies challenges of being with eachother. This love is form when you know that the person is made just for you, that the person that you love till death is the one.
As we were talking, my friend changed the tv channel and Al-Kulliyah was on. So, we were watching it and when the Uztaz announced the topic of discussion, we all laughed so loud. My friend was shocked and called me an antenna. The Uztaz was also talking about differences meaning and category of “Love” which are “Love-Kasih”, “Love-Sayang”, and “Love-Cinta”. The friend of mine who have a boyfriend was shocked to hear both the Uztaz and my explanations about these three level of love are the same.
Each of us has to be careful when we use the word “I Love You” to a certain someone. We must make sure what type of love that we give and the type of love that we receive from him/her.
Thursday, February 14, 2008
Love Defined - Matt Dubois -
What is love, but an emotion,
So strong and so pure,
That nurtured and shared with another,
All tests it will endure?
What is love, but a force
To bring the mighty low,
With the strength to shame the mountains,
And halt time’s ceaseless flow?
What is love, but a triumph,
A glorious goal attained,
The union of two souls, two hearts,
A bond the angels have ordained?
What is love, but a champion,
To cast the tyrant from his throne,
And raise the flag of truth and peace,
And fear of death o’erthrow?
What is love, but a beacon,
To guide the wayward heart,
A blazing light upon the shoals,
That dash cherished dreams apart?
And what is love, but forever,
Eternal and sincere,
A flame that through wax and wane,
Will outlive life’s brief years?
So I’ll tell it on the mountaintops,
In all places high and low,
That love for you is my reason to be,
And will never break or bow.
So strong and so pure,
That nurtured and shared with another,
All tests it will endure?
What is love, but a force
To bring the mighty low,
With the strength to shame the mountains,
And halt time’s ceaseless flow?
What is love, but a triumph,
A glorious goal attained,
The union of two souls, two hearts,
A bond the angels have ordained?
What is love, but a champion,
To cast the tyrant from his throne,
And raise the flag of truth and peace,
And fear of death o’erthrow?
What is love, but a beacon,
To guide the wayward heart,
A blazing light upon the shoals,
That dash cherished dreams apart?
And what is love, but forever,
Eternal and sincere,
A flame that through wax and wane,
Will outlive life’s brief years?
So I’ll tell it on the mountaintops,
In all places high and low,
That love for you is my reason to be,
And will never break or bow.
Friday, January 25, 2008
My FaVouRiTe TeDdy BeaR
The Tatty Teddy Story
The oldest, smallest house you can imagine was about to be knockeddown. All the things that once made the house nice and cosy had beenthrown outside and piled up in the front garden, from the soft springybed the owners slept in, to the old wooden floorboards they used towalk on...
... and even, surely by some mistake, a little brown teddy bear.
He was trapped amongst all the other unwanted things, and couldn't move.
Then, one day, a very cold day, something fell from the sky ... a little snowflake.
It landed on the teddy bear's little nose and then was followed bymany more. He began to get cold, very cold indeed. More and more snowfell, heavier and heavier. The little bear was now so cold that hisnose started turning blue ... so cold that his brown fur startedturning grey.
He was cold, unloved and all alone in the world, and felt very, very sad.
Winter finally passed and the weather got warmer.
One beautiful spring day, a little girl was playing near the oldhouse, when she spotted the grey bear in the pile of unwanted things.He was like no other bear she had ever seen and she pulled him out fromwhere he was trapped.
She dusted him down and lifted him high in the sky to look at him.
"A grey teddy bear ... with a blue nose?" she thought. "How strange!"
The teddy bear wanted to cry. He thought she didn't like him and would throw him back with the other unwanted things.
"But he's lovely!" she continued and she fell completely in love with him.
She ran home as fast as her little legs would carry her, to see ifher Grandma could patch him up as a lot of his stuffing had fallen out,and he was very much in need of repair.
She looked on as her Grandma replaced his stuffing and patched up his holes.
His stitches had started showing where the fur had worn away, but the little girl thought he looked perfect.
It was all cosy and warm in the little girl's house and the bearfelt all cosy and warm in his heart. However, his nose was still blueand his fur was still grey, and they would never return to brown.
He was unique among teddy bears.
The little girl gave him a great big hug. She loved him more than anything else in the world, her little grey, blue-nosed...
... Tatty Teddy.
The oldest, smallest house you can imagine was about to be knockeddown. All the things that once made the house nice and cosy had beenthrown outside and piled up in the front garden, from the soft springybed the owners slept in, to the old wooden floorboards they used towalk on...
... and even, surely by some mistake, a little brown teddy bear.
He was trapped amongst all the other unwanted things, and couldn't move.
Then, one day, a very cold day, something fell from the sky ... a little snowflake.
It landed on the teddy bear's little nose and then was followed bymany more. He began to get cold, very cold indeed. More and more snowfell, heavier and heavier. The little bear was now so cold that hisnose started turning blue ... so cold that his brown fur startedturning grey.
He was cold, unloved and all alone in the world, and felt very, very sad.
Winter finally passed and the weather got warmer.
One beautiful spring day, a little girl was playing near the oldhouse, when she spotted the grey bear in the pile of unwanted things.He was like no other bear she had ever seen and she pulled him out fromwhere he was trapped.
She dusted him down and lifted him high in the sky to look at him.
"A grey teddy bear ... with a blue nose?" she thought. "How strange!"
The teddy bear wanted to cry. He thought she didn't like him and would throw him back with the other unwanted things.
"But he's lovely!" she continued and she fell completely in love with him.
She ran home as fast as her little legs would carry her, to see ifher Grandma could patch him up as a lot of his stuffing had fallen out,and he was very much in need of repair.
She looked on as her Grandma replaced his stuffing and patched up his holes.
His stitches had started showing where the fur had worn away, but the little girl thought he looked perfect.
It was all cosy and warm in the little girl's house and the bearfelt all cosy and warm in his heart. However, his nose was still blueand his fur was still grey, and they would never return to brown.
He was unique among teddy bears.
The little girl gave him a great big hug. She loved him more than anything else in the world, her little grey, blue-nosed...
... Tatty Teddy.
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